the mesmerized city whispers its name. and it all makes sense, suddenly.
aching shoulders, and the ground beneath my feet. breath in my lungs, wind in the trees…
so just let it go. and leave it be. and let the bridges crumble. surrender my body to the ever-churning lies of history.
force your eyes wide open at two in the morning. hold the crushed glass in your palms, and tiptoe through the debri.
i prick my finger, like a half-ass sleeping beauty. but… i’m old enough to know now that no one’s coming to save me.
If I had a dollar for every time I’d been told to stop worrying about the future and live in the present, I’d be rich enough to… I don’t know, buy so many plants that they would gradually consume my entire house and eat me alive in my sleep. Okay, yeah, that metaphor is not helping prove the point.
Aaaanyhow. My point is, I am the type of person who’s financial planned out into my thirties; who’s got a monthly budget and an earning goal per month to help me save up to afford to rent or buy an apartment when I’m older. I am the type of person who freaks out when plans change, and who goes insane not knowing what exactly I have to do in a day. I like to know how my future is going to look.
But I get so caught up in that sometimes… well, I know this sounds cliche, but I lose sight of what’s actually happening around me.
I’m just so terrified by the passage of time. By the knowledge that I’ll only get to do this once, and I could mess it up, but… I mean, you can’t mess it up if you can’t do anything at all. Right?
Lots of love,