blanket fort

it’s another lavender day, synapses sending tingles down my spine. i hope the clouds won’t turn to thunder, because i can’t take one more calamity in this house of cards, okay? so i’m gonna do my schoolwork, and try not to fall asleep. and maybe afterwards, i’ll build a blanket fort. if i feel up to it.

even though those my fairy lights ran out of battery. and i haven’t watered my plants, or checked my email for days. and maybe i should blame it on the humidity, because it always makes my hair look pretty, but for the first time in a while it feels like something good is beginning.

and that’s gotta mean something. that after all these months of staring out windows, and not having the energy, last sunday i did everything on my to-do list with time to spare. that the days stretch and expand to fit me, like the perfect sweater. and as i watch the frostbite recede from my fingertips, there’s the slightest temptation in my brain: that maybe, i could stay like this forever. come home from work and know that’s it, there’s nothing left to do.

wrap myself up in blankets, and watch a show, make a lazy dinner, read a book or two. and spend all the time i could, laughing about internet memes and inside jokes with you. thinking about sticky-sweet words i don’t know at to say out loud like you’re my family and i love you.

i sleep by the door, with my sword at the ready, and wake up covered in dew.


This is pt. 2 of me trying to capture a very specific mood via poetry–and generally pushing my comfort zone a bit. I’m going through this phase where being ridiculously cryptic and putting lots of symbolism into my writing is just my SHIT, I cannot get enough of it, and I guess now I’m just going to make it everyone else’s problem. 🙂

a letter to my younger self (spoken word!!)

So, I’ve been really trying to get back into making spoken word stuff again, and it’s been going well so far! This is one of my favourite poems I wrote of late, so over the weekend, I decided to record and edit it into this piece, and I’m super proud of how it turned out! I got really funky with the reverbs, and I can’t tell if it’s too much or not, but I had fun with it anyway. You can check out the original post here.

Oh! So, as I write this it’s actually really late at night on the 30th, but as you’ll be reading this, it’ll be the first day of 2021. Last year, I think I wrote a whole special New Year’s post at 1am, after consuming one too many sugary beverage, which undoubtedly aged like fine wine. This year, I don’t want to humiliate myself, should we have a second pandemic or something, so I’m gonna refrain from that. But anyway, hopefully 2021 will surprise us, and good luck, future-readers, with your first day of the new year!


All sound effects are under the public domain. Song is “Starling” by Podington Bear. It is found here, and used according to this license.

some fucked up kind of lullaby

hey. it’s ok. i’m not sleeping either. but can’t you remember? when they used to treat you like you could shatter? when your mom would make you lunch, or drive you to the bookstore, or sit outside your bedroom door and sing lullabies for hours.

you’re older now, of course. no one does that anymore. and i guess i’m really that easily manipulated, because i’ll do anything to feel that way. even just… for one moment more.

and i don’t… i don’t know who you are. but the sky is clear tonight. and as the moonlight streams through my window, it’s hard not to miss the stars.

and isn’t it so strange? how something that used to mean so much to you when you were little can seem so dumb and fucked up under the light of day? 

and don’t you remember? when you were six years old, and everything finally fucking shattered?

or the time you tried to run away, 2016, pouring rain. and your neighbour found you, and walked you home again. and don’t you remember? how embarrassed you felt. and how hard you cried, and how much you hated yourself…

it’s okay. you’re safe. it’s over now.


I really like this piece, I might turn it into a whole spoken word thing! I’ve been thinking I’ll probably start posting a lot more YouTube content soon. Um, I think I wrote it at, like….. probably midnight, after my light was off, on my phone, too wired to sleep. That’s how I imagine it anyway. I often get really emotional late at night, and for some reason it tends to bring back a lot of really… I don’t know, tender and pretty raw memories. When I was little, my mom really did do that. I couldn’t sleep, because of my anxiety, so she’d sing me lullabies at the doorway of my room until I nodded off.

I just… being a kid sucked–but I just miss those  little things. That somehow, for a moment, amidst an ocean of fucked-up-ness, made it okay.

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