losing faith
i’ve been toughing it out
for most of this year
trust me, it’s not a good thing to do
i’ve been biting back the bitter thoughts
that surface, no matter how hard i try
to be nice, and agreeable, to nod and smile
but my thorns always seem to regrow,
and so i guess i’ll have to accept this too
i look at the stars one night, but it’s pouring with rain
i hide in the roof’s overhang, and bank on decency
tell myself
there is no mountain that i cannot conquer
if i could just want it enough
want to reach the top at any price
and maybe it’s true
but my faithless heart has grown tired
of these railroad tracks, and every time we sit down and talk
i feel so fucking old; listen to songs about nostalgia, about being sixteen
i think this is how it’s supposed to be
i lie on the ground, i look up at the vines
and i talk to my friends, my voice like a sinking stone
i’m fishing at the bottom of the pond
through leeches and silt looking for my keys
but the longer i look, the more they shift in my mind
it’s normal
it’s natural
it’s just a part of life
i’ll pull my heart out of my chest
i’ll try, real hard
and i’ll start all over again
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