what the world has come to

trigger warning: school shooting mention. if you need to talk to anyone, no matter what it is that’s on your mind, please find a helpline in your area here.

because donald trump blames mental illness for school shootings. and because i’m too young to exist. and because i can’t stop picking myself to pieces. because when i see this all, laid out in the open, i can’t even breathe for a moment. and i want to be a hero. i just… i don’t know, okay? i don’t know what i’m supposed to say to fix this. don’t know how to bend the elements into stories, and bend those stories into solutions, and just make it all stop for a moment– and because the amazon is burning. and because there is such thing as school shootings. and because there is poverty, and famine, and corruption, and bribery, and pollution, and how do you grow up in a world that’s slowly killing itself off like this? how are you supposed to be a kid, when you don’t even know the circumstances of your adulthood? and how am i supposed to fake a smile when every time i look in the mirror, all i see is the light, and the glass, and the flecks of rain, and the look in your eyes, and the broken pieces—and sometimes, the only scrap of a safety blanket i have to reassure myself is that… historically speaking, as a species, we’ve survived 100% of our worst nights. and some days, i am a child. and i cling to that fact, and the sound of my own breath. like a small thread of hope. like it’s all i might have left. and maybe the thing is… i’m not special. i’m not a hero, and i don’t have to save the world. because no one person can fix this, fix all of this. it’s… it’s a group effort. or it’s supposed to be. or it has to be, i guess.

in canada–where i live–there’s an election coming up, which is really stressing me out right now–in a lot of different ways, to be honest. the last week, in general, has just been really rough, to be honest. so… i wrote about it. this is honestly just highly questionable emotional vomit, so if this made any sense at all to you, consider me impressed.

given the day this post will be published, the topic seemed fitting. (for those of you who don’t know, today is global climate strike day.)

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