June: The Month in Photography

June 6th

Okay, so I don’t know if I mentioned this, but I’m taking a photography class at my school, and while I was researching for a report for it, I learned about double exposures–where you overlay two pictures over top of each other for this kind of trippy effect where you can really see the subject’s motion. Originally, it was done with film, where you wind back to the place the photo you want to overlay was, and then put something else on top of it, but I do not have a film camera (although I desperately want one), so I had to settle for overlaying this photo over one taken a few seconds after on Canva, to hopefully show motion?

Also, full credits to my friend for taking this while we were at the beach–thank you very much for being my cameraman, this is such a cool photo and I had to include it somewhere.

June 11th

I took a bunch of photos in a meadow of daisies I found the other day, for my photography class, and I really liked how this one turned out! I might post some of the other ones in a separate post, because they ended up being super pretty!

It was so quiet, and peaceful in this meadow, and I actually started to feel comfortable in front of the camera, which is something I’ve never experienced before, and I just had a lot of fun, so I might try and do this again, especially if I can tie it into an assignment.

June 17th

It’s not often I see something purple I can capture in a photo, so when I saw these little flowers, I had to jump on the opportunity. I really love how the light catches this picture, I think it looks so cool.

As I write this, I’m about a day away from finishing tenth grade, and more than anything, I am just so relieved to be able to have more time for work, at long last–both, like, creative work, and also actually-making-money work. I’ll probably take on a few more hours in the summer, and finally be able to work in the mornings, rather than roasting in the afternoon sun, since I’m always booked with school in the mornings. I know that sounds like a boring thing to be excited for, but trust me, when you’ve spent months on end working in the sweltering heat, this is huge.

I’ve been vaguely considering the idea of doing event photography as a job when I’m older–I don’t know, I could see being good at it, and there’s a slightly more guaranteed income there than for something like writing. We’ll see.

July 5th

It’s been disgustingly hot of late–it’s been disgustingly hot all over the place, really, which is… well, climate change for you. The heatwave came right when I was getting all excited for summer, too–before I was reminded that where I live, summer usually requires you to become an indoor hermit who braves the great outdoors only for an evening walk, because it is so gross and hot during normal waking hours. To be fair, there are usually some good months in there–we get to go swimming a lot, which is always nice, and I will admit that being done with school is a massive relief now I’ve gotten used to the new schedule.

There is a reason this post is very late (for those of you who, like, regularly follow this blog–are you out there? I don’t know, I hope you are). Also, a reason there was a huge gap in entries–which I could have fabricated over, but decided not too for the sake of honesty, and also because I didn’t take many pictures during that time period.

Honestly, I’m having a bit of creative block–simultaneously doing very good and very horribly. I’m learning to draw (because I’m not going to die with the storyboards for imaginary animatics in my brain, their full glory lost to humanity forever, goddamnit!) and I’m working on a bunch of song covers that I may or may not post online, depending on how cruel I’m feeling to myself in ten years. I’m sleeping weird hours and drinking lots of water and considering getting rid of this blog every other day. I guess I’m just feeling a little confused, and vulnerable. I’m not as willing to share everything with the world as I used to be.

And that makes me sad–but I think it’s just growing up. It’s healthy to be a little confused. I’ll figure it out eventually.

Love,

Lorna

April: the Month in Photography

APRIL 4TH


A picture I took on a walk, right around sunset! I thought I wanted the sun to be at the centre, but honestly, I really like how it looks casting the edge in golden light, I feel like it turned out looking kinda cool, and vaguely vintage? (Like it was shot with a film camera, maybe?) I don’t know, I thought it was pretty.

APRIL 8TH


All the flowers are blooming here! I took this on one of my walks, and I loved what I did with the editing, I thought I brought out the pink really well. I don’t know what to say–I’m honestly just really tired right now. I’ve been juggling a lot of different stuff, and sometimes it feels like any moment now it’s gonna spin out of control. Except, in the end, it never does, which is… encouraging? Maybe? I don’t know.

I really want to start getting into this blog again, and last night I got super inspired and wrote down a few post ideas. I love the idea of being, like a proper blogger, but I don’t know what there is to write about.

Honestly, I’m not the best person to give our advice, and my life isn’t particularly exciting. I love doing these diary-type posts, but I don’t know if anyone really reads them. I vaguely like the idea of writing essays too, but I don’t really have any big important opinions to impart on the world. I’m still figuring my shit out. But I’m trying to be patient with myself about that, as best as I can.

APRIL 14TH


This whole month just feels like it’s gone by so fast–I’m almost done with tenth grade, and I’ve been working on completing my course selection forms for next year, which has so far given me one mental breakdown and counting. Because everyone is talking about university, and it feels like this thing is being shoved down my throat before I have enough time to think about it. And the idea of being in post-secondary education makes me want to throw up, and oh god, I’m just so ready to finish high school and so completely not?

And the thing is, I know exactly what makes me happy, what I want to do with my life–it’s just what I want isn’t exactly practical, and I have no idea how I’m supposed to get there. I just wish I could hit pause on everything for a moment, so I could have enough time to figure things out.

I’m trying to think of something wise and optimistic to say here, but honestly, this month has been kind of a downer. There have been some nice moments in there, but overall, just a big meh.

Which I guess is just life, sometimes. I’ll figure it out, and I hope, whatever you’re going through, we can fumble our way through it together.

Lots of love,

Lorna

March: the Month in Photography

MARCH 6TH

I went to the beach and tried to fly a kite yesterday! It was a really bad kite, I got it when I was ten and never learned how to fly it. As a kid, I thought every single one of my minor hobbies was going to turn into a global career, so I got this ridiculous stunt kite and thought I was going to be, like, so good at flying a kite. But it’s awful, it just nosedives into the ground at the slightest change of the wind, and I ended up breaking it, but it was still a fun time.

MARCH 13TH


Today was the first day of spring break, and I actually had a really good day. I went on a walk in the woods and took a bunch of really pretty pictures, I got everything done on my to-do list, and talked with both of my friends on the phone for a really long time. It’s not often my brain decides to cooperate with me like this–and I can just, like, do things without having to coax and bribe myself into the smallest task, or act of self-care. Oh, I made this really good chocolate chip banana bread! That was pretty awesome.

I finished up editing the second episode of that audio drama I’m working on, too! I really hated this script for a while, but listening back through it and doing the final edits, I… actually kinda felt proud. And that was pretty awesome.

MARCH 21ST


So, I just got back yesterday from this super-remote, middle of nowhere cabin. There was no WiFi or anything, I didn’t see a single other human being except for other cars on the road. It was really nice, I took lots of pretty pictures, and I had a really great time.

I’ve been getting into a really bad habit of just scrolling and scrolling and scrolling through social media for hours and hours, and feeling really miserable but still going back at it, because social media is very addictive, and it was really nice to get away from that for a while, and the constant anxiety the internet causes me. I’ve been trying to spend less time on my phone, and, like, be mindful of how being online all the time effects me? I don’t know, it’s nice, here’s a photo I thought turned out cool.

MARCH 23RD


This is a picture I took at the beach today, I thought it looked really pretty! I can’t believe it’s almost April, time just feels like it’s going by so fast. I’m almost done with tenth grade now, and before I know it I’m gonna be a high school junior, and that’s pretty wild!

MARCH 27TH


The cherry trees are starting to bloom here! I love spring so much, it’s really exciting to see everything coming together, and extra-fun/but also kind of stressful because my gardening job has just resumed in earnest, and everyone wants work to be done on their yard. But I genuinely do like helping other people out, and after a little while I get acclimatized to that schedule again, it’s just a lot to adjust to after three months off. I went on this really pretty walk today, and the ground was nice and dry, and it wasn’t too cold. I put on some music and wandered around the woods, and took this photo.

MARCH 31ST


Okay, so I meant to write/finish this post up earlier, but you know me, I guess I just have to always do things last-minute. Because it is fun. (No, it’s not, I really need to stop, but that is another story.) I took this picture on another forest-walk with a friend a few days ago. It’s been so pretty and sunny out of late, and honestly it’s really been helping my mental health. Things feel like they’re looking up, somehow, which is… a really weird feeling, but a good one.

Hopefully it’s not going to crash and burn in a few days. It probably will. Oh well. I’ll see you next month!

Lots of love,

Lorna

February: the Month in Photography

FEBRUARY 6TH

It’s been actually, like, sunny here again?! So, that’s wild. I’ve been getting really into my Biology 12 course, it’s actually super interesting, especially the stuff about DNA. We’ve been learning about cloning and gene therapy and stuff–which is objectively terrifying, but also really fun to think about, love me a good moral dillemma. And I have a story idea that vaguely involves it too. This is the first time I’ve actually been interested in schoolwork in a while.

It’s just been a week, honestly. Time feels like it’s flying by way too fast, and way too slow at the same time. I haven’t been sleeping good, which isn’t helping either.

FEBRUARY 17TH

I made myself so tired last night, I felt like I was gonna throw up. (Which is a thing you can do, according to Healthline.com, so yeah.) I got eight and a half hours of sleep, which is downright luxurious compared to what I normally ge, and still kinda feel like shit. I’ve been getting waves of nausea all day today, and I keep getting headaches, and kind of vaguely feel like I might pass out, which is fun. I’m gonna try and go to bed early tonight, which hopefully should clear things up.

FEBRUARY 25TH


So, full disclosure, I did not actually take this picture on February 25th, but deal with it–it snowed, and I took enough pictures to easily last me through the rest of the month, and as a bonus, presents the illusion I actually experience this much snow. (When in reality, I think we’ve had like four days of snow this year, and lots and lots of rain.)

I’ve been working really hard on a bunch of different projects, and trying to get better at taking care of myself. For the first time in, like, pretty much forever, doing this stuff doesn’t make me feel like I’m pulling out my own teeth or something–attempting to get enough sleep, making myself nice meals, drinking enough water–you get the idea.

I’ve been going on long walks, just wandering around and exploring on my own for hours on end, and thinking about my life, and for the first time, it doesn’t feel like a bad thing.

I’m gonna be going back to work, starting to garden for people again in a few weeks, which I’m actually really excited about, I might have a new client? The weather is finally warming up, the sun isn’t setting at four in the afternoon? Honestly, things are looking up.

FEBRUARY 27TH

I can’t believe the month is almost over!

I don’t really have anything exciting to write about, not much is going on right now–but I really like this picture, I went on a walk in he woods the other day, as one does, and found lots of cool things, including but not limited to: this puddle, a punch of sticks arranged in a Pentagram, a bunch of branches the wind had blown over, a cool tree, and some weird animal prints. (But I don’t have pictures of those, because my phone died.)

MARCH 1ST

So, full disclosure, as I write this it is very late at night, and I’m tired, but I need to get this post done, so if this turns out absolutely incoherent or really weird, now you know why.

I’ve been wandering around the forest some more of late, and listening to music on my phone, and writing an honestly concerning amount for one of my projects, and sort of neglecting the other, which is probably not too great, but at least I’m having fun.

Also, I just rebranded the blog a little bit–since in the next year, I’m hoping to expand this site beyond poetry, although I don’t quite know what that’s gonna look like yet. But I can’t wait to figure it out.

Okay! I will be back next month, so until then, I guess. Here’s hoping March won’t be too terrible? I guess?

Lots of love,

Lorna

January: Month in Photography

JANUARY 3RD

So, I’m starting off this year the right way: very, very tired, and totally terrified for going back to school tomorrow.

I’ve made my breakfast in advance, I have a few outfit options planned out in my head, and I’m gonna try and get up really, really early so I’ll be there on time. (Which is a thing I want to do, probably. I can show up whenever I want, technically, I’m just doing online courses at the school computer lab, but getting there after the bell always makes me feel icky and gross.)

I just want things to be better, you know? I want this time to be different! I want to finally feel safe in a stupid school building! But… I probably won’t.

JANUARY 8TH

There’s only been one week of 2021, but it feels like two months have already passed somehow. I’m in a weird headspace. Bouncing between giddy and ecstatic to self-destructive and miserable, which is probably not the healthiest thing, but it’s just how things are right now.

Things are really coming along, with the podcast. I just have to cast for extra roles, but other than that, I’m done! And I’m gonna be done editing the scripts first season in a month or so, which is nice.

It’s been weirdly warm around here, like springtime already. Which actually made a river flood by my house, but you know, I’ll take any sunlight I can get at this point.

JANUARY 13TH

Things have been pretty rough of late–I’m not gonna lie. My sleep schedule is a mess, and I’m really tired. I don’t have enough to do right now, and it’s driving me insane. Everything is coming just a bit too easy, and I don’t like that. I need a challenge, I need something to keep my crazy brain energy focused. I’m gonna try and tackle a project I’ve been procrastinating on tomorrow, so maybe that’ll help.

I’m wrapping up a project for school, next week I start Biology 12.

It’s starting to get lighter, now. My mom told me we get eight minutes more of daylight every day. I don’t know if that’s true, but I like how it sounds.

JANUARY 17TH

Sometimes, I feel okay. I feel like I’m doing pretty good given my circumstances, and things are gonna be fine. When I close my eyes, and I can picture exactly where I want to be in ten years.

But then there are… the bad days. When I just kinda zone out, for hours, and watch TV or read a book or whatever, and suddenly two hours have passed and my room is dark and depressing, and I have a thousand things to do, but instead I spent my whole morning binge-watching The Queen’s Gambit.

I feel like I’m not going fast enough. Like I’m running out of time.

JANUARY 22ND

I think I’m starting to feel better. It’s probably just because of all the nice weather of late, and the fact that the sun is starting to set just a little bit later every day–but I have been feeling better. I’ve been working really hard at some projects of late. Been thinking a lot about my old writing, and rereading through some old stuff– which has been a bit of a rollercoaster.

I kinda have a gag reflex type thing with my own writing, where I read two words and decide I hate an entire project on instinct.

But it’s not the end of the world. I can get over it.

JANUARY 31ST

Everything feels like it’s slowing down. Like my brain has gone into hibernation.

Last night, I deep-cleaned my bathroom, vacuumed my room, started a laundry load, made my bed, washed my face, and played guitar. Put on my headphones and worked on writing for hours on end, letting all my thoughts slip away. It was nice. I really felt proud of myself–felt calm, and safe, and relatively all right.

Like a girl with her shit together. To some degree, at least.

I only hate myself a good half of the time. And the pressing, constant anxiety is still there, of course it is, hammering at the edges of my skull. I see what-ifs, I see nightmare scenarios, I cringe at mistakes I haven’t even made yet, I live half in the future and half in the past. Honestly, sometimes I just want to throw my computer out the window and forget about any of this stuff.

But I don’t. And I guess that’s something, you know?