when i wake up / the first thing i do is check my phone / and when i go to bed / i count out the seconds in my head / until i don’t have to be alone / yeah, i can’t think of anything new / cause it’s swimming through my brain / it’s drowning / just off the coast as the wind grows louder / and the sky shakes through to its core / when i wake up / i’m just as exhausted as i felt the night before / it just never ends / when it comes down to it / yeah it’s 24/7 and i’m sitting down at my desk and i’m trying to find a meaning / but it just keeps on spinning / and if we could just stop for a moment / put this whole thing on ice / maybe i could catch a breath / figure out how to apologize / cause the words are spewing out of me too fast to count / i hope they keep on coming / i hope i never buy a house / or have a family / hope i work and work and work / and i burn myself down so you won’t forget me / hope i’m never satisfied, or happy / hope i’m everything i dreamed and more / hope the walls turn to fog, and smoke clogs my throat like cotton candy / hope i’m better than everyone else / like, really / and when i wake up / the first thing i do is check my phone, scroll through pictures of things i will never be / check my notifications / and go back to sleep
So… I have basically been on social media nonstop for a good three years now–and it’s starting to wear on me. At first, it was super fun, and exciting and all. But these days, it’s starting to wear on me. So I’ve been taking a semi-break of late, where once a week or so I’ll do the bare essentials and go back into hibernation. I think it’s good for me, not to spend so much time thinking about what strangers on the internet are doing with their lives, because sometimes, just scrolling through Instagram for five minutes makes me feel like garbage. I really love the internet–but I don’t love certain unavoidable aspects of it, and I think I just need a little bit of a break.
Lots of love,