June: The Month in Photography

June 6th

Okay, so I don’t know if I mentioned this, but I’m taking a photography class at my school, and while I was researching for a report for it, I learned about double exposures–where you overlay two pictures over top of each other for this kind of trippy effect where you can really see the subject’s motion. Originally, it was done with film, where you wind back to the place the photo you want to overlay was, and then put something else on top of it, but I do not have a film camera (although I desperately want one), so I had to settle for overlaying this photo over one taken a few seconds after on Canva, to hopefully show motion?

Also, full credits to my friend for taking this while we were at the beach–thank you very much for being my cameraman, this is such a cool photo and I had to include it somewhere.

June 11th

I took a bunch of photos in a meadow of daisies I found the other day, for my photography class, and I really liked how this one turned out! I might post some of the other ones in a separate post, because they ended up being super pretty!

It was so quiet, and peaceful in this meadow, and I actually started to feel comfortable in front of the camera, which is something I’ve never experienced before, and I just had a lot of fun, so I might try and do this again, especially if I can tie it into an assignment.

June 17th

It’s not often I see something purple I can capture in a photo, so when I saw these little flowers, I had to jump on the opportunity. I really love how the light catches this picture, I think it looks so cool.

As I write this, I’m about a day away from finishing tenth grade, and more than anything, I am just so relieved to be able to have more time for work, at long last–both, like, creative work, and also actually-making-money work. I’ll probably take on a few more hours in the summer, and finally be able to work in the mornings, rather than roasting in the afternoon sun, since I’m always booked with school in the mornings. I know that sounds like a boring thing to be excited for, but trust me, when you’ve spent months on end working in the sweltering heat, this is huge.

I’ve been vaguely considering the idea of doing event photography as a job when I’m older–I don’t know, I could see being good at it, and there’s a slightly more guaranteed income there than for something like writing. We’ll see.

July 5th

It’s been disgustingly hot of late–it’s been disgustingly hot all over the place, really, which is… well, climate change for you. The heatwave came right when I was getting all excited for summer, too–before I was reminded that where I live, summer usually requires you to become an indoor hermit who braves the great outdoors only for an evening walk, because it is so gross and hot during normal waking hours. To be fair, there are usually some good months in there–we get to go swimming a lot, which is always nice, and I will admit that being done with school is a massive relief now I’ve gotten used to the new schedule.

There is a reason this post is very late (for those of you who, like, regularly follow this blog–are you out there? I don’t know, I hope you are). Also, a reason there was a huge gap in entries–which I could have fabricated over, but decided not too for the sake of honesty, and also because I didn’t take many pictures during that time period.

Honestly, I’m having a bit of creative block–simultaneously doing very good and very horribly. I’m learning to draw (because I’m not going to die with the storyboards for imaginary animatics in my brain, their full glory lost to humanity forever, goddamnit!) and I’m working on a bunch of song covers that I may or may not post online, depending on how cruel I’m feeling to myself in ten years. I’m sleeping weird hours and drinking lots of water and considering getting rid of this blog every other day. I guess I’m just feeling a little confused, and vulnerable. I’m not as willing to share everything with the world as I used to be.

And that makes me sad–but I think it’s just growing up. It’s healthy to be a little confused. I’ll figure it out eventually.



pov: you are catching up with me on a sunday afternoon

Hey there! I’ve been really reconsidering this blog of late, and figuring out what the hell I want to do with it, because I’m out of school so it’s time for my annual creativity-related-life crisis. Anyway, I thought this might be a fun thing to do, since summer just started and all, and I feel like I do so many poetry posts, I don’t really get to just… talk, like a casual normal person, into the void. (Rather than waxing poetic into the void, which is very different actually.)

So, how have you been doing, dear reader? Is it unbearably hot where you are, or is the weather really nice, so you can actually get out sometimes? (See what I’m doing here? Classic small talk. I know how to interact with people. Uh-huh, definitely.)

If you’re in school, are you excited to be done, or dreading the next few months of having nothing to distract you from your mind, like myself? Have you been doing any fun summer activities, such as taking on more hours at work, refusing to leave the house during normal waking hours because it’s so ridiculously hot, or hanging out with your friends? I am genuinely curious, please let me know, hearing from people makes my day.

I’ve been all over the place of late–I’ve been working a bit more, because it’s summer, and if I don’t constantly occupy myself I will spiral into an anxious breakdown. Also, everyone wants you to garden for them right now. I’ve been trying to learn to draw (emphasis on trying, who knows how long it’s going to last) and doing little covers on guitar and ukulele, because I’m finally good enough I can tell myself I’m sort of doing the songs justice, and not totally be lying. I have been spending too much time on my phone. I have been not sleeping at the right hours, or enough, because the stupid sun is deciding to rise early, and I hate closing the curtains and waking up in a dark, depressing room tinted green, even though it’s a very small task. I’m going to visit a friend, soon, and I’m a little nervous but also just really excited to see her. To have some kind of normalcy, I guess? It feels weird to see things opening back up, and honestly, it makes me really nervous. I don’t know if that’s logical or not, but it does.

And it kinda feels like the world is ending, but then… it always does, right?

I’ve been swimming a ton. I used to be a big swimming kid, I thought I was gonna do it competitively, but it never happened–which is good, it was not a healthy fixation. Anyway, I still love swimming with my whole heart, just as a hobby, I always feel so peaceful–like, the best kind of alone.

I’m hoping to release the first episode of my podcast (which is called We Are Here, it’s very cool I promise, and you can follow us on Twitter here) either this month or early August, which is exciting. And scary, and weird, that this thing I’ve been sitting on for over a year is going to be out in the world soon. I sort of want to stop time, right here–not because right here is particularly remarkable or great, I’m just very scared of the unknown.

I’m excited for my courses next year, that’s something I really genuinely look forward to. I’ve got most of the mandatory ones out of the way, which means I get to take 20th Century World History, and Sign Language, and Astronomy, and Photography, and Social Justice, and Marketing, and at least right now, I’m very optimistic. Even though I still have no idea what I want to do post-graduation. Of course, the idea of learning is always ten times more fun than the actual agony of staring at a computer screen for hours on end and reminding yourself why you thought taking this course was a good idea, but still.

It’s a small thing, but a few days ago, I went out for lunch with a friend, and we wandered around these little vintage stores afterwards, and I got this really cute dress, and a super comfy romper that I’m wearing right now, and every time I look in the mirror I do a little happy dance. And, like, don’t feel terrible in my body, which is really nice. And every few days, I’ve been picking a fresh batch of sweet peas from the garden, to put on my desk. I don’t know, sometimes it makes the world of difference to just… get yourself pretty things, if you can. I think. In moderation. I mean, I’ve never done it before, but you know, this trial run is going pretty good so far.

And that’s… all I can really think of, off the top of my head. I hope this was kind of nice to read–like a Day in the Life post, but without the commitment of remembering what I did this morning, and ensuring my day was, in fact, interesting. Anyway, I will hopefully see you soon.

Lots of love,


May: The Month in Photography

May 8th

So, it’s been a really exhausting day, not gonna lie. I went to work after a not-great night of sleep, and got back at twelve. Sometimes, after I’m done working, I can just jump right onto my next task with maybe five minutes to get changed… and sometimes I’m so wiped out I can’t form coherent thoughts for three hours. Today has been the latter. It feels like all I can do is worry about things I can’t control.

Like, I have this existential crisis every few months or so about if I should go to university or not–if I have a choice, if my feelings are particularly relevant to this decision. I spin around and around on my little mental toilet bowl, knowing perfectly well this isn’t going to go anywhere.

I’ve just been so hard on myself of late. I’m gonna try and work on that, and hopefully go to bed early tonight.

May 16th

So, I did not in fact, go to bed early. And now it’s the week after, and I feel like I could just fall asleep at my desk right now, except the moment I lie down in bed, all that exhaustion disappears, and I have to lie awake for a while.

I’ve got a big day tomorrow–school, and then a table read for the audio drama I’m working on. But weirdly, I don’t feel too nervous? That might just be the sleep deprivation.

It’s really cheesy, but I’ve been thinking a lot about something a teacher told me a while ago–you have to enjoy the process, because otherwise, what’s the point? I’ve always been a really goal-oriented kind of person, and I really don’t mean that in the positive way. My whole life is structured in my head into milestones and check-boxe. I’ve been trying to go slower, of late. Figure out what the hell that even means.

May 19th

I’m so bad at appreciating what I’ve got.

When things are quiet, and I’ve got nothing better to do, I fantasize about being this super busy famous writer–having deadlines, a management team, an editor, people whose whole job is to determine my success. A platform–like, a real one, and maybe someone would recognize me at a coffeeshop once, I don’t know. Healing people in some small way with a poem, or a story, and convincing people like me it will get better.

But when things actually happen in my life, I immediately switch to fantasizing about just having a normal life. Coming home from work and watching TV and knowing that was it–I was done, no stories to write or blog posts to edit or a thousand balls to carefully juggle.

The grass is always greener on the other side. I feel like that would be a good poem.

May 22nd

So, exciting news: I booked my vaccine appointment! I’m gonna get the first shot on May 30th, and I’m just so relieved to finally feel a bit safer.

I’m historically not the best with vaccines. I just don’t like strangers touching me, and especially when they’re not only touching me but stabbing me with a needle, it just usually sends me into at least a minor panic attack.

Aaanyway, I will be okay, it’s just not the most pleasant experience.

May 25th

So, exciting news, I guess: I auditioned for a podcast, and I’m gonna audition for two more tomorrow. I play one of the characters in We Are Here, which I just decided to take on for the hell of it, but turns out, I really like it? Like, it seriously makes me so happy? And even if nothing comes of it, I’m really glad I’ve figured that out about myself and wanted to share that with the universe today. So, yeah, that’s the life update I guess.

June 1st

Okay, technically I’m writing this in June now–because it’s been a not-great two days, and side effects are a bitch, but: I got vaccinated! On the 30th! And… it wasn’t an entirely awful experience? Which is weird, because I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a shot without panicking. But the lady at the vaccine clinic was so nice, and she made me feel really at ease, and in conclusion I owe her my firstborn child.

I felt really weird afterward–like the tail end of a cold, with fun add-ins of dizziness, what felt like a fever, being really sore everywhere and not being able to move your arm. I’m fine now, though.

It feels like I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s still a little far off, but I also can see that we are getting there. Which is a feeling I’ve pretty much spent the last year waiting for.

(Editing Lorna sliding in here to say that obviously, getting vaccinated is a huge privilege, and unfortunately not something everyone has access to! I’m insanely lucky to be able to get the shot at all. Okay, now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.)

I just can’t wait for the world to get back to normal. I’ll probably still be kinda miserable, but maybe a little bit less than usual. I don’t know.

Lots of love,