i stay up until midnight watching reality tv

i. the people are laughing. they’ve got enough money to laugh all day; to buy swimming pools and vacations, and learn everything there is to know about the world until the sun comes up again. their clothes are bright, and their hair is so pretty, and they’re laughing at their game. they’re glossy-eyed and lovely, and i hate them all the same. i hate their lives, i hate their stupid problems. too much fame, and too much love. i hate your face, when you tell me that you’re lucky, ’cause what if i’m not? what if i don’t want to be? what if i’m held together by scotch tape and hatred? what if i’m sitting in my room on a friday night, alone? the people are laughing, and drinking their tea. they’re having a grand old time in their palace, and it’s never going to be me.

ii. the people are talking about some new tv show. it’s good, really. it’s beautiful, it’s shining bright. and i think if i met them in real life, we’d be the best of friends. they’d say you’re special and you’re perfect. and i’d stop being eaten alive by your pretty teeth, and your gleaming eyes. and i bet you got those clothes first-hand. i bet they’re really nice. i bet you never cry, never stay up late, paralyzed by doubt, and fear. i bet your house is always neat, and tidy, and you love the person in your bed more than anything. i bet you work hard, and give it your all, and in your world, that’s all it takes. and i’m glad. at least one of us got their cake.


I don’t like being a jealous person, and it’s definitely something I’m working on, but sometimes on my worst days, I can definitely go there, and just feel so miserable and resentful to people wildly more successful than me–because let’s face it, that’s most of the online content I see. It can get into a pretty destructive spiral, so I decided to write about it, and I liked how this piece turned out.