blanket fort

it’s another lavender day, synapses sending tingles down my spine. i hope the clouds won’t turn to thunder, because i can’t take one more calamity in this house of cards, okay? so i’m gonna do my schoolwork, and try not to fall asleep. and maybe afterwards, i’ll build a blanket fort. if i feel up to it.

even though those my fairy lights ran out of battery. and i haven’t watered my plants, or checked my email for days. and maybe i should blame it on the humidity, because it always makes my hair look pretty, but for the first time in a while it feels like something good is beginning.

and that’s gotta mean something. that after all these months of staring out windows, and not having the energy, last sunday i did everything on my to-do list with time to spare. that the days stretch and expand to fit me, like the perfect sweater. and as i watch the frostbite recede from my fingertips, there’s the slightest temptation in my brain: that maybe, i could stay like this forever. come home from work and know that’s it, there’s nothing left to do.

wrap myself up in blankets, and watch a show, make a lazy dinner, read a book or two. and spend all the time i could, laughing about internet memes and inside jokes with you. thinking about sticky-sweet words i don’t know at to say out loud like you’re my family and i love you.

i sleep by the door, with my sword at the ready, and wake up covered in dew.

This is pt. 2 of me trying to capture a very specific mood via poetry–and generally pushing my comfort zone a bit. I’m going through this phase where being ridiculously cryptic and putting lots of symbolism into my writing is just my SHIT, I cannot get enough of it, and I guess now I’m just going to make it everyone else’s problem. 🙂

a night spent looking at the stars

so it’s almost pitch dark, right? and it’s only 9p.m. but apparently by some people’s standards that actually qualifies as late at night. and the city lights flicker and dance in the starlight. and i don’t even know where we are. and i don’t know what’s out there, but i’m not sure i care. because right now, beside you, everything feels beautiful. and maybe that’s enough. to try my best to be your friend. and feel like a book character. and roll down the hill in your grandparents’ backyard together. and not know how to stop. and not want to stop. and never want to stop. because maybe this is what it feels like to be happy, and alive, and weightless, for the first time. maybe this is the metal i will mould into a sword as darkness falls. and as my heart pounds. and maybe this time, we’ll be the army against all the painful memories pouncing on these broken bodies. and maybe i can’t keep you safe from the world, but i can listen. and care. and i can write you happy poetry, just to let you know how much you mean to me. and for what it’s worth, in this moment, i am more than my broken pieces. i am caffeine and stardust. and i am someone who matters to you. someone who is wanted by you. and someone who finally realizes that it can be completely platonic and still mean the world to you. and i am someone who tries. and i am someone who is here. and maybe that’s enough. to be this person who a year ago, i would never have thought could have existed. and to feel like a miracle.

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