So, it’s been a rough few weeks, not gonna lie. I think I haven’t gotten a good night of sleep in… actually, I can’t even remember, which is not a good thing. However, I have been drawing a lot, and spending a ridiculous amount of time playing ukulele when I am not absolutely vibrating with anxiety.
But yeah. It’s been a rough few weeks, and I’m just having trouble accessing the photography part of my brain right now, because most of the time I’m just absolutely frozen with panic, and jugging a hundred different things.
I hope I’ll make another entry in this post soon.
It’s been a rough couple of… I’m not even sure. When you’re in a rough patch, isn’t it weird how time seems to smudge and blend into mush? I just feel like I’m barely struggling along right now; like I have feign interest in much of anything other than hanging out with my friends, and watching TV, and drawing–any chance I get to just not be in my head. I’ve just barely been keeping on top of things, and honestly, I’ve been neglecting this blog a lot of late.
In my head I was picturing this summer being a lot much more fun. But surprise, guess what, you can still be depressed, even when it’s sunny out! (In a quiet, grating way that just stretches on and on and on, wearing you down until the littlest things set you off.)
Normally I try to end these on a high note–but I don’t know. Sometimes, situations just really suck, and that’s where I’m at right now.
About this photo, though: I went to this sunny field where all the grass was perfectly dried up and golden, and took a ton of shots with the wind blowing the grass, to make a double exposure where you can really see the movement in the shot–and I’m actually really proud of how this turned out.
So, time has definitely flown–I’m actually writing this in August, almost September–but I actually kind of like writing these posts from a slightly removed perspective. (This is why you’ll notice there are no dates this time around; let’s say it’s artistic.)
I went on a trip to the park, and did some reading the afternoon I took this photo. I’ve been reading a lot this summer, and trying to get better at note-taking. I always used to hate nonfiction, but now I’ve been reading a lot more of it. Maybe I’m just getting older.
I can feel the summer starting to fade. It feels like it’s barely been a month, and not even that. It’s crazy, how fast time is passing. I wanted this photo to feel kind of whimsical, and loved the effect of the grass falling over the narrow pathway, like it’s leading into a secret fantasy world or something.
I believe this photo was taken on the same trip as the one before it. I loved how the black and white filter really sharpened it, and drew attention to the drama and contrast of the clouds on the water.
This photo looked a lot less dramatic originally–I took it while I was walking through the woods, and found this circle with a bunch of stumps gathered in a circle. I think someone might have been using them as seating? I’m not sure. It was kind of cloudy and dark, and I thought I could use it as a chance to play a bit with perspective for a creepier angle. I’m not sure if it worked, or how exactly it turned out like this, but I’m proud of it anyway.
I love roses–I don’t know if I have a favourite flower, because they’re all just so pretty, but roses are definitely up there–along with sweet peas and peonies. (I’ve been spending a lot of time at work helping people deal with their roses–deadheading and cutting back, that kind of thing–so maybe I’m biased, but whatever.) I love those pictures of wilting roses, I know they’re kind of cliche, but I think it’s such a cool effect. I thought the leaves accentuated that, and the beige made the pink of the flowers really pop. People act like things only start to die back in fall–but at least in my experience, things start to dry up around August. I might do a photo essay about it, we’ll see. 🙂
This has been a bit of a disappointing summer. I was kind of setting myself up for that, if I’m being honest–in May, I made this whole playlist of summer songs I was listening to every other day, and had all these pretty ideas that just never really happened, because in reality, most of what I did this summer was work–because, I mean, I had to do something. And I like that I have a job, I like that I’m strong and capable and self-disciplined. I like that I don’t have to rely on my parents if I want to buy something, and I know I’m saving almost everything I earn for a better future someday. But… sometimes, it just makes me sad that I spent most of my childhood just waiting for this. Boring grown-up stuff. It makes me even sadder that this is genuinely better that I do feel a lot happier overall than I did as a little kid–the bar is pretty low.
It makes me sad I have to worry about this stuff at my age–and it makes me sad that so many other kids have to work this hard this young just to work hard some more, and then some more, and then retire. Maybe.
I know there are a lot of black-and-white photos in this post–I don’t know, I love how late summer looks in black and white; the yellow grass and the wilted landscape. Normally I feel like my photos have a much more dramatic composition than this one, but I really like how subtle it turned out.
This last photo is pretty recent, taken just a couple weeks ago as I write this. It was a pretty warm night, and I finally managed to capture the moon on my phone camera–which is surprisingly difficult, and I had to really play with this photo in Lightroom to get it visible. I wanted to highlight the wilting leaves, and the purple/blue/pink color of the sky, for a sleepy, peaceful feeling.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the future–and I think it’s funny, how the more you learn about yourself, the more confused you seem to get. So I’ve been trying to take it one step at a time. I go back to school next week–and I’m starting my junior year of high school, which is absolutely insane. When I was a kid, I thought I’d be making a full-time income off writing by this point. I may have had a few unrealistic expectations.
I’m taking a bunch of genuinely interesting courses this year, since my options for electives have finally become available to me, and I want to really try at school this year, and try to challenge myself. I don’t have much longer left in high school, and I want to make the most of it. We’ll see how that goes–I’ve been watching a bunch of study Youtubers to try and get motivated.
I’m pretty sure this post will mark a year worth of Month in Photography posts. I might go back, and do a review, or roundup my favorite pieces of the year; that would be fun. We’ll see.
Lots of love,