July & August: The Month in Photography

So, it’s been a rough few weeks, not gonna lie. I think I haven’t gotten a good night of sleep in… actually, I can’t even remember, which is not a good thing. However, I have been drawing a lot, and spending a ridiculous amount of time playing ukulele when I am not absolutely vibrating with anxiety.

But yeah. It’s been a rough few weeks, and I’m just having trouble accessing the photography part of my brain right now, because most of the time I’m just absolutely frozen with panic, and jugging a hundred different things.

I hope I’ll make another entry in this post soon.

It’s been a rough couple of… I’m not even sure. When you’re in a rough patch, isn’t it weird how time seems to smudge and blend into mush? I just feel like I’m barely struggling along right now; like I have feign interest in much of anything other than hanging out with my friends, and watching TV, and drawing–any chance I get to just not be in my head. I’ve just barely been keeping on top of things, and honestly, I’ve been neglecting this blog a lot of late.

In my head I was picturing this summer being a lot much more fun. But surprise, guess what, you can still be depressed, even when it’s sunny out! (In a quiet, grating way that just stretches on and on and on, wearing you down until the littlest things set you off.)

Normally I try to end these on a high note–but I don’t know. Sometimes, situations just really suck, and that’s where I’m at right now.

About this photo, though: I went to this sunny field where all the grass was perfectly dried up and golden, and took a ton of shots with the wind blowing the grass, to make a double exposure where you can really see the movement in the shot–and I’m actually really proud of how this turned out.

So, time has definitely flown–I’m actually writing this in August, almost September–but I actually kind of like writing these posts from a slightly removed perspective. (This is why you’ll notice there are no dates this time around; let’s say it’s artistic.)

I went on a trip to the park, and did some reading the afternoon I took this photo. I’ve been reading a lot this summer, and trying to get better at note-taking. I always used to hate nonfiction, but now I’ve been reading a lot more of it. Maybe I’m just getting older.

I can feel the summer starting to fade. It feels like it’s barely been a month, and not even that. It’s crazy, how fast time is passing. I wanted this photo to feel kind of whimsical, and loved the effect of the grass falling over the narrow pathway, like it’s leading into a secret fantasy world or something.

I believe this photo was taken on the same trip as the one before it. I loved how the black and white filter really sharpened it, and drew attention to the drama and contrast of the clouds on the water.

This photo looked a lot less dramatic originally–I took it while I was walking through the woods, and found this circle with a bunch of stumps gathered in a circle. I think someone might have been using them as seating? I’m not sure. It was kind of cloudy and dark, and I thought I could use it as a chance to play a bit with perspective for a creepier angle. I’m not sure if it worked, or how exactly it turned out like this, but I’m proud of it anyway.

I love roses–I don’t know if I have a favourite flower, because they’re all just so pretty, but roses are definitely up there–along with sweet peas and peonies. (I’ve been spending a lot of time at work helping people deal with their roses–deadheading and cutting back, that kind of thing–so maybe I’m biased, but whatever.) I love those pictures of wilting roses, I know they’re kind of cliche, but I think it’s such a cool effect. I thought the leaves accentuated that, and the beige made the pink of the flowers really pop. People act like things only start to die back in fall–but at least in my experience, things start to dry up around August. I might do a photo essay about it, we’ll see. 🙂

This has been a bit of a disappointing summer. I was kind of setting myself up for that, if I’m being honest–in May, I made this whole playlist of summer songs I was listening to every other day, and had all these pretty ideas that just never really happened, because in reality, most of what I did this summer was work–because, I mean, I had to do something. And I like that I have a job, I like that I’m strong and capable and self-disciplined. I like that I don’t have to rely on my parents if I want to buy something, and I know I’m saving almost everything I earn for a better future someday. But… sometimes, it just makes me sad that I spent most of my childhood just waiting for this. Boring grown-up stuff. It makes me even sadder that this is genuinely better that I do feel a lot happier overall than I did as a little kid–the bar is pretty low.

It makes me sad I have to worry about this stuff at my age–and it makes me sad that so many other kids have to work this hard this young just to work hard some more, and then some more, and then retire. Maybe.

I know there are a lot of black-and-white photos in this post–I don’t know, I love how late summer looks in black and white; the yellow grass and the wilted landscape. Normally I feel like my photos have a much more dramatic composition than this one, but I really like how subtle it turned out.

This last photo is pretty recent, taken just a couple weeks ago as I write this. It was a pretty warm night, and I finally managed to capture the moon on my phone camera–which is surprisingly difficult, and I had to really play with this photo in Lightroom to get it visible. I wanted to highlight the wilting leaves, and the purple/blue/pink color of the sky, for a sleepy, peaceful feeling.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the future–and I think it’s funny, how the more you learn about yourself, the more confused you seem to get. So I’ve been trying to take it one step at a time. I go back to school next week–and I’m starting my junior year of high school, which is absolutely insane. When I was a kid, I thought I’d be making a full-time income off writing by this point. I may have had a few unrealistic expectations.

I’m taking a bunch of genuinely interesting courses this year, since my options for electives have finally become available to me, and I want to really try at school this year, and try to challenge myself. I don’t have much longer left in high school, and I want to make the most of it. We’ll see how that goes–I’ve been watching a bunch of study Youtubers to try and get motivated.

I’m pretty sure this post will mark a year worth of Month in Photography posts. I might go back, and do a review, or roundup my favorite pieces of the year; that would be fun. We’ll see.

Lots of love,

Lorna

June: The Month in Photography

June 6th

Okay, so I don’t know if I mentioned this, but I’m taking a photography class at my school, and while I was researching for a report for it, I learned about double exposures–where you overlay two pictures over top of each other for this kind of trippy effect where you can really see the subject’s motion. Originally, it was done with film, where you wind back to the place the photo you want to overlay was, and then put something else on top of it, but I do not have a film camera (although I desperately want one), so I had to settle for overlaying this photo over one taken a few seconds after on Canva, to hopefully show motion?

Also, full credits to my friend for taking this while we were at the beach–thank you very much for being my cameraman, this is such a cool photo and I had to include it somewhere.

June 11th

I took a bunch of photos in a meadow of daisies I found the other day, for my photography class, and I really liked how this one turned out! I might post some of the other ones in a separate post, because they ended up being super pretty!

It was so quiet, and peaceful in this meadow, and I actually started to feel comfortable in front of the camera, which is something I’ve never experienced before, and I just had a lot of fun, so I might try and do this again, especially if I can tie it into an assignment.

June 17th

It’s not often I see something purple I can capture in a photo, so when I saw these little flowers, I had to jump on the opportunity. I really love how the light catches this picture, I think it looks so cool.

As I write this, I’m about a day away from finishing tenth grade, and more than anything, I am just so relieved to be able to have more time for work, at long last–both, like, creative work, and also actually-making-money work. I’ll probably take on a few more hours in the summer, and finally be able to work in the mornings, rather than roasting in the afternoon sun, since I’m always booked with school in the mornings. I know that sounds like a boring thing to be excited for, but trust me, when you’ve spent months on end working in the sweltering heat, this is huge.

I’ve been vaguely considering the idea of doing event photography as a job when I’m older–I don’t know, I could see being good at it, and there’s a slightly more guaranteed income there than for something like writing. We’ll see.

July 5th

It’s been disgustingly hot of late–it’s been disgustingly hot all over the place, really, which is… well, climate change for you. The heatwave came right when I was getting all excited for summer, too–before I was reminded that where I live, summer usually requires you to become an indoor hermit who braves the great outdoors only for an evening walk, because it is so gross and hot during normal waking hours. To be fair, there are usually some good months in there–we get to go swimming a lot, which is always nice, and I will admit that being done with school is a massive relief now I’ve gotten used to the new schedule.

There is a reason this post is very late (for those of you who, like, regularly follow this blog–are you out there? I don’t know, I hope you are). Also, a reason there was a huge gap in entries–which I could have fabricated over, but decided not too for the sake of honesty, and also because I didn’t take many pictures during that time period.

Honestly, I’m having a bit of creative block–simultaneously doing very good and very horribly. I’m learning to draw (because I’m not going to die with the storyboards for imaginary animatics in my brain, their full glory lost to humanity forever, goddamnit!) and I’m working on a bunch of song covers that I may or may not post online, depending on how cruel I’m feeling to myself in ten years. I’m sleeping weird hours and drinking lots of water and considering getting rid of this blog every other day. I guess I’m just feeling a little confused, and vulnerable. I’m not as willing to share everything with the world as I used to be.

And that makes me sad–but I think it’s just growing up. It’s healthy to be a little confused. I’ll figure it out eventually.

Love,

Lorna

May: The Month in Photography

May 8th


So, it’s been a really exhausting day, not gonna lie. I went to work after a not-great night of sleep, and got back at twelve. Sometimes, after I’m done working, I can just jump right onto my next task with maybe five minutes to get changed… and sometimes I’m so wiped out I can’t form coherent thoughts for three hours. Today has been the latter. It feels like all I can do is worry about things I can’t control.

Like, I have this existential crisis every few months or so about if I should go to university or not–if I have a choice, if my feelings are particularly relevant to this decision. I spin around and around on my little mental toilet bowl, knowing perfectly well this isn’t going to go anywhere.

I’ve just been so hard on myself of late. I’m gonna try and work on that, and hopefully go to bed early tonight.

May 16th


So, I did not in fact, go to bed early. And now it’s the week after, and I feel like I could just fall asleep at my desk right now, except the moment I lie down in bed, all that exhaustion disappears, and I have to lie awake for a while.

I’ve got a big day tomorrow–school, and then a table read for the audio drama I’m working on. But weirdly, I don’t feel too nervous? That might just be the sleep deprivation.

It’s really cheesy, but I’ve been thinking a lot about something a teacher told me a while ago–you have to enjoy the process, because otherwise, what’s the point? I’ve always been a really goal-oriented kind of person, and I really don’t mean that in the positive way. My whole life is structured in my head into milestones and check-boxe. I’ve been trying to go slower, of late. Figure out what the hell that even means.

May 19th


I’m so bad at appreciating what I’ve got.

When things are quiet, and I’ve got nothing better to do, I fantasize about being this super busy famous writer–having deadlines, a management team, an editor, people whose whole job is to determine my success. A platform–like, a real one, and maybe someone would recognize me at a coffeeshop once, I don’t know. Healing people in some small way with a poem, or a story, and convincing people like me it will get better.

But when things actually happen in my life, I immediately switch to fantasizing about just having a normal life. Coming home from work and watching TV and knowing that was it–I was done, no stories to write or blog posts to edit or a thousand balls to carefully juggle.

The grass is always greener on the other side. I feel like that would be a good poem.

May 22nd


So, exciting news: I booked my vaccine appointment! I’m gonna get the first shot on May 30th, and I’m just so relieved to finally feel a bit safer.

I’m historically not the best with vaccines. I just don’t like strangers touching me, and especially when they’re not only touching me but stabbing me with a needle, it just usually sends me into at least a minor panic attack.

Aaanyway, I will be okay, it’s just not the most pleasant experience.

May 25th


So, exciting news, I guess: I auditioned for a podcast, and I’m gonna audition for two more tomorrow. I play one of the characters in We Are Here, which I just decided to take on for the hell of it, but turns out, I really like it? Like, it seriously makes me so happy? And even if nothing comes of it, I’m really glad I’ve figured that out about myself and wanted to share that with the universe today. So, yeah, that’s the life update I guess.

June 1st


Okay, technically I’m writing this in June now–because it’s been a not-great two days, and side effects are a bitch, but: I got vaccinated! On the 30th! And… it wasn’t an entirely awful experience? Which is weird, because I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a shot without panicking. But the lady at the vaccine clinic was so nice, and she made me feel really at ease, and in conclusion I owe her my firstborn child.

I felt really weird afterward–like the tail end of a cold, with fun add-ins of dizziness, what felt like a fever, being really sore everywhere and not being able to move your arm. I’m fine now, though.

It feels like I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s still a little far off, but I also can see that we are getting there. Which is a feeling I’ve pretty much spent the last year waiting for.

(Editing Lorna sliding in here to say that obviously, getting vaccinated is a huge privilege, and unfortunately not something everyone has access to! I’m insanely lucky to be able to get the shot at all. Okay, now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.)

I just can’t wait for the world to get back to normal. I’ll probably still be kinda miserable, but maybe a little bit less than usual. I don’t know.

Lots of love,

Lorna

April: the Month in Photography

APRIL 4TH


A picture I took on a walk, right around sunset! I thought I wanted the sun to be at the centre, but honestly, I really like how it looks casting the edge in golden light, I feel like it turned out looking kinda cool, and vaguely vintage? (Like it was shot with a film camera, maybe?) I don’t know, I thought it was pretty.

APRIL 8TH


All the flowers are blooming here! I took this on one of my walks, and I loved what I did with the editing, I thought I brought out the pink really well. I don’t know what to say–I’m honestly just really tired right now. I’ve been juggling a lot of different stuff, and sometimes it feels like any moment now it’s gonna spin out of control. Except, in the end, it never does, which is… encouraging? Maybe? I don’t know.

I really want to start getting into this blog again, and last night I got super inspired and wrote down a few post ideas. I love the idea of being, like a proper blogger, but I don’t know what there is to write about.

Honestly, I’m not the best person to give our advice, and my life isn’t particularly exciting. I love doing these diary-type posts, but I don’t know if anyone really reads them. I vaguely like the idea of writing essays too, but I don’t really have any big important opinions to impart on the world. I’m still figuring my shit out. But I’m trying to be patient with myself about that, as best as I can.

APRIL 14TH


This whole month just feels like it’s gone by so fast–I’m almost done with tenth grade, and I’ve been working on completing my course selection forms for next year, which has so far given me one mental breakdown and counting. Because everyone is talking about university, and it feels like this thing is being shoved down my throat before I have enough time to think about it. And the idea of being in post-secondary education makes me want to throw up, and oh god, I’m just so ready to finish high school and so completely not?

And the thing is, I know exactly what makes me happy, what I want to do with my life–it’s just what I want isn’t exactly practical, and I have no idea how I’m supposed to get there. I just wish I could hit pause on everything for a moment, so I could have enough time to figure things out.

I’m trying to think of something wise and optimistic to say here, but honestly, this month has been kind of a downer. There have been some nice moments in there, but overall, just a big meh.

Which I guess is just life, sometimes. I’ll figure it out, and I hope, whatever you’re going through, we can fumble our way through it together.

Lots of love,

Lorna

March: the Month in Photography

MARCH 6TH

I went to the beach and tried to fly a kite yesterday! It was a really bad kite, I got it when I was ten and never learned how to fly it. As a kid, I thought every single one of my minor hobbies was going to turn into a global career, so I got this ridiculous stunt kite and thought I was going to be, like, so good at flying a kite. But it’s awful, it just nosedives into the ground at the slightest change of the wind, and I ended up breaking it, but it was still a fun time.

MARCH 13TH


Today was the first day of spring break, and I actually had a really good day. I went on a walk in the woods and took a bunch of really pretty pictures, I got everything done on my to-do list, and talked with both of my friends on the phone for a really long time. It’s not often my brain decides to cooperate with me like this–and I can just, like, do things without having to coax and bribe myself into the smallest task, or act of self-care. Oh, I made this really good chocolate chip banana bread! That was pretty awesome.

I finished up editing the second episode of that audio drama I’m working on, too! I really hated this script for a while, but listening back through it and doing the final edits, I… actually kinda felt proud. And that was pretty awesome.

MARCH 21ST


So, I just got back yesterday from this super-remote, middle of nowhere cabin. There was no WiFi or anything, I didn’t see a single other human being except for other cars on the road. It was really nice, I took lots of pretty pictures, and I had a really great time.

I’ve been getting into a really bad habit of just scrolling and scrolling and scrolling through social media for hours and hours, and feeling really miserable but still going back at it, because social media is very addictive, and it was really nice to get away from that for a while, and the constant anxiety the internet causes me. I’ve been trying to spend less time on my phone, and, like, be mindful of how being online all the time effects me? I don’t know, it’s nice, here’s a photo I thought turned out cool.

MARCH 23RD


This is a picture I took at the beach today, I thought it looked really pretty! I can’t believe it’s almost April, time just feels like it’s going by so fast. I’m almost done with tenth grade now, and before I know it I’m gonna be a high school junior, and that’s pretty wild!

MARCH 27TH


The cherry trees are starting to bloom here! I love spring so much, it’s really exciting to see everything coming together, and extra-fun/but also kind of stressful because my gardening job has just resumed in earnest, and everyone wants work to be done on their yard. But I genuinely do like helping other people out, and after a little while I get acclimatized to that schedule again, it’s just a lot to adjust to after three months off. I went on this really pretty walk today, and the ground was nice and dry, and it wasn’t too cold. I put on some music and wandered around the woods, and took this photo.

MARCH 31ST


Okay, so I meant to write/finish this post up earlier, but you know me, I guess I just have to always do things last-minute. Because it is fun. (No, it’s not, I really need to stop, but that is another story.) I took this picture on another forest-walk with a friend a few days ago. It’s been so pretty and sunny out of late, and honestly it’s really been helping my mental health. Things feel like they’re looking up, somehow, which is… a really weird feeling, but a good one.

Hopefully it’s not going to crash and burn in a few days. It probably will. Oh well. I’ll see you next month!

Lots of love,

Lorna