you can’t fix him

you can’t fix him, honey

but i know you tried

i know you stayed up all night

asking god through google searches

if it was gonna be all right

you took him to the urgent care

you held onto his bracelet, you sat at his side

you waited and you drank your coffee

he said he wasn’t mad

you tried not to cry

you tried so hard

you did everything right

you said it diplomatic, said it soft, said it kind

you rubbed sore muscles

and tiptoed over landmines

you found a hawk at the window, kept it

in a cardboard box for days

you gave it food and water

it hunted you for prey, you listened to it cry

you whispered under your breath, as if

you could teach it how to fly

you cleaned the table

you did the dishes, ‘til they were stacked up high

loved the world so much

you thought you would die

you took home misfit toys and broken plates

and never quite figured out how to glue them

back together, and they always made you cry

you planted a garden out of ashes, and grew tired

by the fifteenth try

you were always the last to hang up the phone

and you were bitter, you were mean

you walked on tired feet and aching thighs

you stood paralyzed at the kitchen sink

all your houseplants died

you woke up early, you 

cracked a joke over breakfast

bit your lip, you did not cry, 

did not admit defeat until your heart was jagged

and bleeding, until you weren’t sure you would survive

you botched the surgery

you left your hope inside of his chest

you sat and you watched on the sidelines

steeped in bitterness, you whispered

under your breath with each cry

you can do it, just flap your wings

can’t you get better?

can’t you fucking try?

you can’t rinse the anger out of someone

who doesn’t want to bathe

you can’t pump the sadness out of someone’s weary veins

you can’t take bad memories like cough syrup

gulp them down with sugar, with tea

you can’t stop the tide

but you tried your best

you scraped your hope out of his chest

you bit your tongue so hard

you forgot how to speak your mind

you can’t save them all, honey

not this time

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