feel the choir in your shaking lungs,

the mucus-soaked daggers in your throat

it’s so close and yet so far away

remember how it felt? remember

the way the light called to you, dizzying 

remember the people in that room, laughing and cozy and warm

remember how the flames touched your skin but you didn’t care as your cheeks melted onto the floor

as your eyes went blind in the flashing lights

it’s all inside your head

this whole kingdom you’ve built

it’s made from iron filings, a couple

magnets from the dollar store

and if you close your eyes then you are floating

on a rock, in space, and you are still trapped inside your mind

scroll through old messages and delete each and every one

vivisect each piece of yourself, present them in packages

hand-picked to please

and keep going, keep cherry-picking til your fingers are sore

keep going until you just can’t do it anymore

race toward the light and do not think where you are going

feel the weight of gravity one split second

before the crash, before the fall

before the words left unsaid squirmed in your throat

before you became someone you didn’t recognize at all

twist and turn and shift in the water, slippery skin beneath your fingertips

bite your tongue, hear the voices echo in your head

and remember a time when you didn’t know the kind of things

that will be said, and said, and said, ghost-knives cutting into skin

shrink back into old t-shirts that never quite fit

and perch on your candle on january 1

watch it burn your wings, watch it make you holy

and wish you had the strength to run