what if i woke up at 2am
to stinging in my throat?
what if i stumbled in the dark
looking for stupid things i wrote?
what if i etched meaningless words into my skin
dragged them through hell then back again?
what if i tripped, and fell, and broke my leg
what if i collapsed in front of you, pleaded and begged?
too tired to puzzle a logic
out of the words you say?
what if i did everything right, and still
couldn’t fall asleep today?
what if the foundation buckled beneath its own weight
and i stared up at the blue summer sky, my eyes heavy with hate?
what if i couldn’t breathe
through the twist and burn of my inadequacies?
what if i made the wrong turn, and i couldn’t come back
what if i fell asleep at only midafternoon?
what if i stayed here, still
my thoughts sinking like stones?
what if i everything i’d worked for meant nothing at all
what if i sat there on the front lawn as the sky started to fall?
and what if sloppy brushstrokes of paint could not capture the ache in my chest
what if i failed, even though i tried my best?