i’d play with matches and light fires / til the room glowed warm and bright / i’d study and pretend to care for trigonometry / and never end up being right / i’d be your doctor or your lawyer really / anything you like / i’d let sugarplum lies slip through my teeth / until they give me cavities / i wouldn’t smile, so no one would see / i’d be your darkly academic brilliant mastermind / i’d fix it all, just you wait and see / i’d write you research papers and studies and stay up / ‘til 2am / i’d be miserable / i’d let it happen all again / and you’d be proud, then, wouldn’t you? / when my wretched inventions have taken over the world / when it doesn’t matter what for, so long as i’m remembered, or / i’d be a small-town nobody / and i’d be happy with my life / with my strong arms and soft belly / with a daughter or a son / i’d write until i’m tired and pissed off at this story, and the world / but myself, mostly / cause i can’t quite tell it like it is / in my head at night / spinning through my mind and keeping me up like a dog in a cage / i’d bounce off the walls until my particles collided into colours i can’t name / into poems that will gather dust on the shelf, screamed out only loud enough / to stop the words from echoing / i’ll drown myself in sound in search of silence / rip myself apart in search of acceptance / chase my tail around in circles ‘ til i can’t remember / why i started running / bought myself a cell phone and tried to use it like an instrument / but i can’t even remember / what song i’m playing

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