do you ever zone out sometimes

on the ninth hour

you’ve been staring at some pixels on a screen

but no matter how hard you try

it never comes out right

and holy shit, this is how i’m spending my life

i’m spinning around my room in a secondhand dress

i’m closing the curtains and slamming my head

against the maple desk

i’m bleeding on the bathroom floor

holy shit, this is how the days go past

going to work

scrolling through my phone

and worshipping the sun, even as it drips down my throat

holy shit, do you remember

learning about it way back when we weren’t sure

if the sun would rise without blood spilled on marble

so we did it again, and again

for another day on earth

another chance to make it right

do you remember how that thought

used to haunt you at night

how you wondered in the tiniest part of your mind

what people might do

to keep their children alive

do you remember how you closed your eyes

before you looked into the sun; how it

was warm on your cheeks

it was brilliant and relentless

and the dew-soaked grass soaked your sneakers

so you walked home with wet feet

and is there anything more lonely

than standing up on your tiptoes to grab the tea

and spices, or driving yourself home

i’d go back to blind faith and simple rules

in a heartbeat

i’d colour inside the lines

stitch the constellations back together in perfect order

just to never leave your side

but on the ninth hour

staring at some pixels on a screen

i think i’ve found it

my missing puzzle piece.