but then it’s ending

then it’s crumbled on your lap

hands cupped around your mouth

as the city lights flicker in and out of focus

then it’s coming to an end

in pictures drawn on foggy glass

you don’t leave your room

you don’t wanna get out of bed

you’re crumbling and curling

and it’s all too much to process

as the days blend like shitty concealer

’cause maybe if you look happy, the rest will come

half-asleep most days

just try harder

sweetheart, you’re gonna be fine

and maybe i will be, but right now, it sure doesn’t feel it

right now, i don’t wanna get out of bed

and i don’t wanna sleep

because the people i love may as well be dead to me

and i don’t know how to crawl out of this

right now i’m saccharine and haunted

and i don’t fucking have a clue

’cause this wasn’t supposed to happen

you promised my worst nightmares would never come true

you told me i was crazy

kissed my cheek and called me kid

swept all the bad aside

’cause bad things don’t happen

unless you’re stupid, and lazy, and weak

unless you’re not

doing it

right

---

This is a two part poem I wrote about… I mean, you can interpret it however you want, but to me anyway, this piece is about some stuff I was dealing with when the pandemic struck, almost two years ago now. I remember when the news first started talking about the virus, I thought that I was just being paranoid, and that the people in charge had it under control. And then they didn’t. When you have anxiety it can be hard to figure out which fears are based in reality and which are just you being “crazy.” It’s my knee-jerk reaction to just ignore every fear I have, but I think that can be just as bad as believing them all to be true.