but then it’s ending
then it’s crumbled on your lap
hands cupped around your mouth
as the city lights flicker in and out of focus
then it’s coming to an end
in pictures drawn on foggy glass
you don’t leave your room
you don’t wanna get out of bed
you’re crumbling and curling
and it’s all too much to process
as the days blend like shitty concealer
’cause maybe if you look happy, the rest will come
half-asleep most days
just try harder
sweetheart, you’re gonna be fine
and maybe i will be, but right now, it sure doesn’t feel it
right now, i don’t wanna get out of bed
and i don’t wanna sleep
because the people i love may as well be dead to me
and i don’t know how to crawl out of this
right now i’m saccharine and haunted
and i don’t fucking have a clue
’cause this wasn’t supposed to happen
you promised my worst nightmares would never come true
you told me i was crazy
kissed my cheek and called me kid
swept all the bad aside
’cause bad things don’t happen
unless you’re stupid, and lazy, and weak
unless you’re not
doing it
right
This is a two part poem I wrote about… I mean, you can interpret it however you want, but to me anyway, this piece is about some stuff I was dealing with when the pandemic struck, almost two years ago now. I remember when the news first started talking about the virus, I thought that I was just being paranoid, and that the people in charge had it under control. And then they didn’t. When you have anxiety it can be hard to figure out which fears are based in reality and which are just you being “crazy.” It’s my knee-jerk reaction to just ignore every fear I have, but I think that can be just as bad as believing them all to be true.