firefly

i. so here’s the thing? it’s gotten better, right? so then why does the sea roar with fury, as it reaches up to the bleeding sky? why does my heart race like butterfly wings, as i peer over the edge at the cars below; little fireflies, crawling down the road. and here’s the thing: the stars still shine, and history still unfolds. how come no one good is remembered? how come we doom ourselves a little bit each day? how come it’s awful, and self-defeating, bum-bum-bum in my chest. but the stars still shine, and people still try their best. they still grow flowers in their gardens, even when it feels like the end. and god, that makes me furious.

ii. yeah. i know, i know, i know. my heroes died so many years ago. i’ve made them epitaphs, burned their bodies to ash and left them bleeding on the floor. i know no one is what they seem once you’ve looked them in the eye; and growing up just means you don’t get to believe in much of anything anymore. so i’ve long since smashed up those pedestals in my mind. ’cause all the skeletons i worshipped, now they reek of rotting flesh. but sometimes i still feel that rage like it’s yesterday, because and you made a promise, that i didn’t have to worry. that you knew what you were doing. that everything would be okay.

iii. i hope they don’t remember me. i hope nobody will lay me down n their garden; dance and weep and sob and cry, and wonder what they’re going to do without me by their side. but they will, i know it; like the back of my hand. like fate, and destiny, a million small inevitabilities, tangled up in hate. like people fall in love just to break it; slice up their palms cleaning up the mess on the kitchen floor. i hope i am loved with no complications, i hope the words i say are always true. i hope that when you wake up from the surgery, i am right there beside you, holding your hand. i hope you love me like those daisy petals you toss to the dirt. but when the city lights go out, and i am left alone, it wouldn’t be the worst fate. just another firefly, crawling down the road.

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