a short piece about fanfiction and growing up
let’s start at the beggining.
when i was ten years old
i mean six
i mean four
i mean twenty-five
doesn’t matter
cause you were there for me
you were soft pages
and escapist fantasy
you were home
you were family
and you didn’t always do it perfectly
but you taught me that love won out
that i could be anything i wanted
that messing up was okay
you held me together, all these years
and that’s gotta count for something, babe
and god, you were there
when the sky was black in the costco parking lot
and i didn’t have anyone to turn to
you were gentle
and you were kind
at a time when i didn’t know that kind of love was possible
and for that, i’m always gonna be grateful
’cause you sung me to sleep
you held me close to your chest
you let me be a kid, for just a couple minutes a day
and when things got bad
i made shadow puppets on the floor
and those imaginary friends, they always told me
that i didn’t have to be afraid anymore
i gave you my heart
and my soul
until i don’t know who i am without you
until the world seems grey without you
until i’m not sure if i’ll ever stop
sleeping with teddy bears
and writing stories about magic
cause you were my safety blanket
when the ceiling crumpled
you held it up like atlas
you gave me the courage i needed to find my way through
and darling, i’m scared
ladybug, i don’t know what i’ll do without you
and my friends will probably laugh
and roll their eyes
’cause they weren’t held together by school-safe glue and craft glitter
for most of their lives
’cause they know how to grow, and change
and leave the thing they love most in the world behind
sweetheart, i’m not ready to grow up
but this twin sized bed is getting smaller by the day
and thumbprint cookies just don’t taste the same
I grew up obsessing over books and stories I liked. Fanfiction was how I learned to write, and it’s still close to my heart. I honestly don’t know where I’d be now without it. It’s made me a better writer, and as I get older, I feel like I have to let it go. I don’t want to be 30 and still desperately clinging to book series I read in middle school. But… honestly, I’ve lost a lot of things, and right now, I don’t think I can stand to let one more go. I don’t think I want to.
A part of me is… a little scared, honestly. That I’m never gonna make my own stories, as good as the ones I could make in a borrowed world.
kenhallettblog
Interesting piece, Lorna! ✨
Never wrote fanfiction, myself; but did some fan art (of musicians I liked, when I was 15).
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