sick

cotton-candy nausea / and paper-shredder hands on mine / i have fought a thousand wars across the lumps and rolls of this skin, you know? / and all it’s left me with / is collateral damage / and wasted hope / because you will try, you will try, you will pour years of your life into the battle / you will kill in its name / but you will never win against yourself / only die in vain / and sometimes, i think about that, you know? / the fact that i am here today / and jesus christ, eleven is far too young to drink up your own pain / but i guess we grew up quickly, didn’t we? / fought for what we thought was ours / and left innocence at the front gate / i stare into the faces of people in clickbait articles / and wonder if that’s gonna be me someday / cause i make myself sick on the bad days / i do it on purpose / because i’m a scared little kid searching for home / because i’m screaming and i’m crying and i’m making demands / i am an absent dad / i am a tired working mom / so i say yes / i do what you say / i let you spin me ’til i’m dizzy / scribble out the scars on my ankles / and scream blue murder when you let go

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