weight

i swear, these days i’m mostly all right / i just can’t breathe sometimes when i look at myself in the mirror / run my hands down my thighs / sometimes my phone makes me sick / sometimes friday is a sinkhole / and it’s all i can do not to pass out on the carpet / i swear, i’m feeling better / but that’s just a testament, really / to how bad things were before / because some days / it takes all my energy just to change into pajamas / and go to bed on time / some days i build up the smallest tasks into herculean efforts / some days i dig my nails into my skin / pick myself apart like a riddle and watch hot water burn / have you ever felt lonely, in the pit of your stomach? / watching seconds flip by on the clock / like soldiers / or bodies / one after the other / and i swear it’s not always like this / but sometimes i just lie awake at night, and see my life flash before my eyes / because i have never known how to live in the moment / but tomorrow, maybe i will try / to learn love like a second language / and smile wearily at stomach rolls / and old scars / and let just a bit of this weight go / because i could use some rest, god knows

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