you didn’t think it’d come to this, did you? bet you pictured golden autumn skies, and nursery walls. but those things never stay. and there are words i’m still learning, like thank you or sorry, so forgive me if i’m clumsy sometimes, okay?

because after all these years, i’m still just the weird kid by the vending machine, staring at her phone. and we’ll laugh about it later, but right now, i just want the world to leave me the fuck alone. so i’ll keep it in, i’ll shut my mouth and just try my best to ignore them.

only to learn that you can’t patch up a knife wound forever, with band-aids and tylenol. desperation has its limits, and so do you. and there’s something just a bit off, about this fine sunday afternoon; the scratched film in my retinas bleeding the colour away. and if i don’t see it like it is, i’m sorry. i’m working on that too.

and now the flashing billboard signs are in my head again, or maybe they always were. they tell me harder, faster, better, stronger don’t you dare stop to breathe. run until your lungs burn, and your bones crumble like an empire. you don’t have time to be a kid, not any longer.

but i guess i just miss the rose-tinted possibility of a childhood that never quite came to be; acorns in my pockets and letters to nobody. i miss writing myself into a beautiful princess, sitting up in her tower, all alone, with no one for company save her stories, and poems.

even though that never happened. even though this whole thing is just a story i told, to make myself feel better, because in reality i’ve been working nonstop since the day i turned eleven years old.

this wasn’t fated by the gods, this wasn’t written in stone. i’m just another tired, angry, teenage girl, trying to make her way through the world.

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