last night

last night, i went to bed at 12:30. and i swear to god, i saw snow on the lawn, but it wasn’t there in the morning. so maybe i just dreamed it, i don’t know. maybe i buried myself in printer paper and rough drafts of shitty stories. and this is it.

when the fever dream finally sets in, and my mistakes catch up to me just like i knew they always would. because last night, i broke my mirror, and tossed and turned for hours in a lavender breeze.

last night, the rubbing alcohol burned, and i thought i might bleed out, but i didn’t. so i called you up and told you everything–all my insecurities, my deepest doubts and fears. and then i went to sleep.

and now i hate the sun for rising, i hate the world for turning, i hate the numbers on my phone. i hate the lies, and the secrecy, and the rippling sea. and you have no idea how bad i want it: a castle, all to my own. a flower crown, and a bank account filled to the brim with sun-bleached bones.

but more than that, honestly, i just want to let down my guard. i want to wear dresses, just for fun, and watch goofy tv shows. i want to surrender to the summer night, and finally come home.

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