wish fulfillment 1

i breathe like someone’s watching me. because maybe they are, i don’t know. i mess up my hair, make a face in the mirror, and strike a stupid pose.

and don’t you just adore my movie star smile, my irresistible hope? but it’s okay, if you don’t. i’ll just… i’ll do better, next time. i’ll make it perfect, you’ll see. i’ll be pretty, and strong, and i’ll smile for the camera until my chapped lips start to bleed; a sickening drip down my chest, the suffocating guilt, and the desperate loneliness.

and then you look at me, and suddenly you’re the whole fucking galaxy, and i am just another dizzy planet, spinning around desperately.

i sleep like it’s a movie. and imagine you piece me together like a puzzle. imagine it’s perfect, and easy; a snow-white wedding on a sunny day. imagine we have two kids, nice jobs, and a castle with no moat. and no matter how many times i try, you never let me go.

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