i don’t wanna keep walking. i wanna lie in a puddle, and let kids on bikes laugh as they run over me; taste the dirt on my tongue.
i wanna rewind the clock to 2014, when the world was quiet and cold; watch the blood drip off a papercut and forget who i am for weeks.
because i don’t feel like getting better today. i feel like collapsing into the couch, and falling asleep. and i’d burn down every bridge i’ve got left, if it’d give me a chance at peace. so take my pride, and my dignity, and let the river carry it away.
because i just want gentle lilac nights, and willow trees, watching over me. i want an endless meadow, and a world where i walk slowly.
even though the winter afternoons are short and cold. and the ocean doesn’t have the answers like it used to. i try my best, to be cool and professional. but in my head, god, i’m still seven years old, hiding in my bedroom, and waiting for it all to just be over.
so i sing a song, to keep my mind busy. i don’t look down, i don’t blink, don’t let myself even consider the possibility of surrender. i write and i write; let the breeze sink into my bones, and i don’t make a sound as it swallows me whole.