i forgot what time it is long ago. as i sway back and forth, the lights flicker, and glow. i don’t know where i am, or how to get home.
but i gave up yesterday on any of that bullshit. i just have to keep dancing. until my heels chafe, and bleed, and the soles of my shoes wear down to nothing.
and i scream, and shout, and cry, of course i do. but people are busy. people have lives. and in the grand scheme of things, i guess i’m pretty minute.
because they don’t seem to hear me. and when i shake their shoulders, the faces just melt and bleed together.
and now there’s death on my hands, and i don’t understand. i think the floor is spinning, and oh my god, this fog is fucking all-consuming.
forming nimbus clouds in my throat, it blows my metropolis to smithereens. i apologize profusely. let the disco lights fizzle, and fade out. what am i gonna do? i’m just a girl, just a gentle chickadee… and maybe i’ll have the whole world in my palms, but i don’t think i’ll ever be happy.
so i cry, and i cry, until my throat hurts, and my reservoirs are bone-dry. i collapse on the floor, and sleep the weeks away.
because who gives a shit about the background noise? about my shaking hands, and my burning eyes. it’s just a blip in history. and no matter what i do, someday, the world will forget me.
so i break down the doors with my bare hands. run down the street like my life depends on it, feel the adrenaline soar through my veins. let the rain mess up my hair, let the fresh air whisper through my lungs. it smells like car exhaust and plague.
but at least i’m alive. at least i made it out okay.
So, I accidentally posted this completely unedited on Friday, because I was really tired and distracted and forgot to double check, and WordPress’s scheduling system sucks. But anyway, I hope you enjoyed a much more coherent version of this piece!