i don’t know what’s up with me tonight. but i just wanted to say that, well… as bad as i am at saying it out loud, i love you, all right?
just in case… i die. or maybe you’re feeling sad, and you just needed to hear that tonight. because i know that everything feels scary right now.
but for what it’s worth, i promise… it will pass. somehow.
and someday, i’ll be able to hold you in my arms, and let that feeling last. without the slightest hint of fear sneaking through my brain.
and we will walk along the side of the highway, eating candy from the general store. stop by the farmer’s market, wander through the graveyard, and make it home just before dark. because god, is some small fragment of normalcy overdue.
but for now, just know that on may 12, 2020, at 12:32 am… i love you.
God, editing this really takes me back–I wrote this what feels like ages ago. I just remember feeling really lonely, and not being able to sleep, and really wanting to get some writing done at 12:32 at night, only I couldn’t think of any good titles–so I just put in the time my computer said, and kind of went from there. During quarantine, reflecting on my relationships was both really healthy and helpful and really unhealthy and destructive–since reflection and nostalgia can pretty quickly lead to obsession for me.
For a bit of context, this piece was written right before we were officially allowed to widen our social bubbles (I think that’s what they’re called but I don’t know, I’m tired) in BC, Canada, my home. But there was a two week period between when that was announced and when it actually went into affect, so for those two weeks I was just feeling really torn and scared and excited, and thinking a lot about my relationships, and what it means to be a good friend. And then… this piece was born.
Anyhow. I’m gonna watch a studio ghibli movie, because they’re on Netflix in Canada now, and I’ve been working pretty much all day today and I want to do something nice for myself for a change–so I should probably get going, but I hope you guys enjoyed this post, and make sure to keep updated on the blog, because I have a big project coming out in the next couple weeks that I’m super excited about, and I’m not telling you guys any more yet, but just know that it’s really close to my heart, and I can’t wait for you to see it. 🙂
Lots of love,