trigger warning: dissociation, blood

6am light, streaming in through the curtains. and i know i was supposed to say something, but  i can’t remember what…

because isn’t this amazing? isn’t it everything i could possibly have wanted? because there’s nothing left to lose. as the sunset kisses the skyline; in a post-apocalyptic way. yet another lonely, lonely ending, to another lonely, lonely day…

and it feels like i could be dreaming. doesn’t it? because the blood dripping off my fingers does look awfully like plastic. i guess life is pretty fucking horrifying, if you sit down and think about it...

and i keep trying to, for some reason. but no matter how hard i try, i can never quite… grasp it.

I don’t really remember why I wrote this beyond that one morning, I decided I, a functional human being was going to put myself to bed early, and get up at 5:40am, a time that I literally have not woken up at since November, and that was only because I had to catch a ferry at eight or I’d miss this really big event I had, and even then I might have ended up trying to eat a shoe, honestly not sure, it was a wild morning. Anyhow, I basically just wrote for like three hours straight and got really absorbed in this project I was working on, and I think while taking a quick break, I wrote this piece.

During this whole coronavirus thing, I guess… I don’t know, I dissociate even during normal times as a coping mechanism, and having the entire world undergo a mass trauma combined with all the other really scary stuff that’s going on right now is really just not helping with that whole problem. Sometimes, this all feels like a dream. Like any moment now, I’m gonna wake up. Which is both a really scary thought. More and more of late, I just feel… cold. And disconnected. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll edit this later on if I get the time, but right now it’s just really late, and I am tired, and I feel like any further comment I make on this piece is just gonna be incoherent. So I am going to sleep.

Lots of love,


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s