and i can’t remember / the last time the world cracked itself open like this / and my hair got wet / and i splashed in the puddles like a little kid / and tried to pretend i didn’t wish you could see it / and it’s funny / how these days anything outside of my backyard feels / like practically a world away / and some days… i’m okay / and some days / i am a broken mirror / desperately trying to duct tape irreparable mistakes back together / and i don’t know how life / can be this way / heartbreaking / and beautiful / and silly / like one of those movies / that’s so fucking stupid / but here you are / four hours in / still watching anyway / and you say it’s old / and you say it’s bullshit / but at the bottom of your heart / you never really believed it / and it’s strange / that in this moment / i can miss you like a sinkhole opening up in my chest / taking all the good things with it / and also know / that no matter what happens / we’ll get through it.
I know things are hard right now. And this isn’t to underplay any of that. I guess I’m just at the point in my life right now… where I don’t like this, but I also know that I can’t really change it. And I guess while all of this is happening, I may as well make the best of it. Try to… find some kind of silver lining or whatever, I guess. Which is not to say that things aren’t really shitty right now, but I’m also at a point where I can live with it. I don’t like it, but I can survive it. And it’s a good feeling–to feel strong like that. The closest thing to stable I can be, I guess. I mean, it’s not exactly something I get to feel very often.
Anyhow. I hope you all are hanging in there throughout everything going on right now.
Lots of love,