april 7th, 2020

haven’t you heard? it’s the end of the world, baby.

burning skies. flaming asteroids. and barely averted apocalypses. and if you can’t breathe, good. because you brought this upon yourself. and you deserve every fucking inch of it. so breathe it in. open your eyes, and drown in the weight of it.

just grit your teeth. and do it. because this is it. this is the world you have to live in. there’s no changing it.

and whisper sweet nothings in  my ear, hot breath across my shoulder. and watch, as my skin catches fire. and my lungs shrivel up like old newspaper.

and i’ll beg you for help. and you’ll just look down at me in pity, and laugh.

oh sweetheart. you still think the world works like that?

The thing that’s so scary about this pandemic isn’t really the pandemic itself for me (given I’m not at risk for it). It’s seeing firsthand that the world I trusted can splinter apart in an instant. And yeah, sure, it’s something you hear about in my theory. But I’ve never lived through a crisis like this before, and I guess that’s what makes it feel so scary.  Because now all I can think is that the rest of my life i just going to be this. Panic and isolation and constantly just barely holding the world together. I don’t want the rest of my life to be like that.

And sometimes, it’s just easier to pretend. Because I don’t know how else to deal with this. pretend everything is fine, and easy, and perfect.  Just like I wish it were. And I know they say that everyone’s voice matters, but… I don’t know. These days, it’s hard not to feel just a little hopeless.

Um, on another, less sad note, the first episode of my podcast just came out, so get excited! You can check it out here.

One thought on “april 7th, 2020

  1. thrutheashesblog

    Nobody has lived through quite this thing before, so be apprehensive is a normal response. All we do is hunker down and make it through to better times again. The world has seen this before, we will get through it again!

    Liked by 2 people

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