and i’m trying, okay? i’m trying to get better. trying to cushion the fall, and take deep breaths, and drink more water.
trying to give myself a break. at least for today. because it’s enough. i have to believe that this is enough. who i am, in this moment, at 8 in the morning, nestled up in the blankets. with not a single person in the world to notice all the scrapes, and scuffs, and bruises.
and for a moment, i really can believe that i’m gonna be okay. maybe not right now, but someday.
and as the sun rises in my bedroom window, it’s hard not to feel, just for a moment… like the whole world has been made anew.
Wow, this is weird. I think I wrote the first draft of this in December. It’s nice to remember what feeling hopeful felt like–I haven’t been feeling that way a lot of late, to be honest. There have been… well, a lot of ups and downs, to be honest. But something I’ve been thinking about a lot of late, and something I think I’ve finally figured out is that just because something is fleeting… doesn’t mean it wasn’t there at all. Or that it’s not important. Is that something other people just get naturally? It’s kind of a wild concept for me.