january 3rd, 2019

and you know that moment, in a movie? when the answer to the problem rolls right across the screen, only it’s at that moment when our darling protagonist decides to be on the phone. or doing homework. or sleeping? and a little pit opens up in your stomach, and it takes all the self-control you have not to scream?

you know that moment, after a therapy session, or right before a huge presentation. when you really think you can do it. when you colour coordinate your outfits, and curl your naturally curly hair, just because you like it. and in that moment, you really think–you really think you can do it?

you know tearing yourself apart because it’s what other people are doing, and if it’s what other people are doing, maybe it’ll make you soft. and sweet. pancakes and maple syrup and whipped cream.

you know zoning out for a second, because you’re anxious as fuck, and because the memories won’t stop flashing through your head, and… you just can’t. not at the moment.

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