mental breakdown at the grocery store

trigger warning: implied self-harm

up until 1a.m. watching netflix, and i’m so fucking tired. doing anything but taking care of myself, red mark on my arm, and dear god do i hate all of this. 

pounding heart, and too much caffeine, and let me disappear, okay? tone down all the blinding colours to a muted soft grey, and just let me be done with my life. okay?

because i want to close my eyes. i want to fall flat on my face at the grocery store full of fake lights and fake smiles and i want to cry.  i want to let the screen light swallow me. let my throat shatter, let my fingers freeze off in the cold night air…

because at least… at least this makes sense. at least i actually know how the fuck i’m supposed to live like this.

and if that’s not depressing, i don’t know what is.

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