i am tired, and there is so much darkness

trigger warning: suicidal thoughts. need to talk? crisis lines are here.

there are cracks in my skull. there is an earthquake in my bones. i am a burden. i am worthless. no one loves me and i am alone.

and i shouldn’t be feeling like this. i shouldn’t even be thinking about this. i don’t think you even know how much time i spend wondering about this. about what would happen if i vanished. if i went for a walk, and never came back. and would you even miss me? really? because i wouldn’t.

because sometimes. it just feels so heavy. and i just wish i could lift these bricks off my shoulders. wish i could lie down, and close my eyes, and actually go to sleep at a reasonable time. 

but i can’t do that tonight.

Based off some intrusive thoughts I was having a while back that I really needed to let out. I know parts of this poem are a little melodramatic, and to be honest that’s kind of intentional. When I wrote it, my anxiety brain was being really melodramatic. I don’t think it’s true, but I needed to write it out anyway. Just… to see that.

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