building castles, only to tear them down and start all over again. because it’s never perfect as it is in my head.

building kingdoms. sculpting blood, sweat, and tears, into the most beautiful portrait.  but no matter how hard i try, there’s always going to be something wrong with it.

and i’m so scared of messing up, that honestly to this day when faced with the possibility trying i would still rather stay in my room, hiding. because maybe you miss 100% of the goals you don’t shoot, but the rage of self-hatred i will give myself for failing is far worse of the vague guilt of sitting there and doing nothing.

and you’ll tell me you’re so proud of me, with tears in your eyes. and you’ll wrap your arms around me. and i won’t feel anything, except maybe in the most hidden corners of my mind.

but i’ll smile. and i’ll get up on stage, and wave at the crowd, ignoring the voices in my head even though they’re so fucking loud. and i’ll give this my everything. i’ll keep going through the storm… until i can’t do this anymore.