let me tell you about anxiety

let me tell you about anxiety

let me tell you about a thudding heart, and a racing mind, and you spin around in circles trying to find a way out, but there’s nowhere to hide. not when the monster lives on the inside.

let me tell you about paralyzed behind school bookshelves, because it’s all too loud, and overwhelming, and they’re all probably looking at you, and they’re going to hurt you. it’s just a matter of time.

let me tell you about holding your breath, and counting to ten, and trying to numb out all the blinding colours as best as you can.

let me try to explain the way the fear taunts you, and torments you, and plays with your head until you’d do anything to make it stop. even just for a minute.

let me tell you how exhausting it is to be this afraid. every. single. day. and then still force yourself to hold on to a steady face, and pretend you’re ok, but you’re not ok. this isn’t ok.

let me tell you about wiping the symptoms off your skin, only you can’t do that, so the next best thing is to just cover it in concealer, and mask it in foundation, and fake a smile, and maybe no one will notice me if i just try to fit in. 

let me tell you about anxiety, and maybe this time you’ll get it. maybe this time, you won’t lecture me, or change the topic every time i try to explain it.

let me tell you about anxiety, and maybe this time, we won’t be alone in it. because maybe you have monsters too. maybe you’ve been through your own shit.

let me tell you everything. let me tell you how scared, and confused, and tired i am of all of this. let me fall apart in your arms, and promise that you won’t hate me afterward.

because i am so, so tired. because it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok that it’s not ok. and i know it feels like the world is falling apart, but you’re going to be ok.

you are nothing less than human for feeling this way.

and on the bad days, i will repeat those words to myself through the scream of my thoughts until i can’t hear anything else. it’s gonna be ok.

This poem wasn’t written for anyone specifically, I don’t think. (Or if it was, I don’t know who that person is.) Maybe, like, the world as a whole? (Ugh, that sounds really grandiose.) Anyway, I hope it meant something to you. And if it did, feel free to drop me a comment/email via my contact form/leave a like. 🙂

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