maybe if i could grasp it when say you’re grateful. maybe if i spent a little more time trying to believe in this miracle–

maybe if she hadn’t hurt me. maybe if he hadn’t hurt me. maybe if i’d had a period in my life that could genuinely be described as happy.

maybe if i had gotten help when i needed it. maybe if help hadn’t felt so much like punishment.

maybe if she hadn’t hurt them. maybe if he hadn’t hurt them. maybe if this didn’t run in my dna.

maybe if i loved myself as much as i love you, i wouldn’t be like this. but right now, i’m just trying to get through the day.

because i don’t know what i’m doing anymore than you do. and maybe on this page, i seem like i’ve got my shit together. but i’m just a person. i’m just a kid. okay?

This poem is really personal for me. This is a lot of what I’ve been turning over in my head of late–just how young I am. I’m a teenager, not an adult, and yet so often I expect myself to function like one. I’m still trying to figure that out, to be honest. But writing this piece helped a lot. Just to sort through this crazy knot of thoughts.