october 7th, 2019

i’ll beg you to reach out. i’ll listen to you. i’ll wrap my arms around strangers and tell them how much they matter, because they do. but if that’s true, how come some days i just want to throw everything i’ve ever liked about myself in the garbage? and i just don’t get it. how i can be so surrounded by love and still hate myself. and how some days, when i look into the mirror, all i see is light radiating out of a cold metal shell, or maybe that’s just because everything feels a little bit numb right now. as i stand out in the snow. trying to find the words to reach out, because if i keep this up i’m going to spend the rest of my life alone. and the tears reach for my throat. and i try to find the words, but all i can do is scream at the sky i don’t know. i don’t know. i don’t know.

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