trigger warning: implied self harm reference
i can only think at night for a reason, okay? because when it’s light out, everything just screams at me. and the sun stabs into my eyes, and i just want you to bury me. in food, or stories, or music, or anything that will make the time pass more quickly. bury me. because i don’t want to feel anything. i don’t want to be anybody. and i don’t want to think about what i’ve just done. because who was i, to kid myself that i could take care of anybody? and i can’t think, and i can’t breathe, and i can’t comprehend what’s happening to me, but i want it to stop, okay? i want all of this to stop. and i want to curl up, in a room with no lights and no people and no wifi. and i just want to write this all out. and breathe, until i’m okay. but i guess you don’t understand that. so let me try to explain it a different way. i’m tired. i’m tired of all of this. i’m tired of being at war with my head. i’m tired of not getting it. and i don’t want to hurt myself. i just want to feel nothing for a second.
sometimes i feel like i’ve spent my whole life hiding from myself. running from who i am and who i might become, and the relationships i might have had if i hadn’t been so afraid of letting them blossom. this poem is pretty heavy, so just in case, here’s a list of crisis lines just in case you need them.
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