lighting in my belly / and the sky starts to bend / as i raise my hands / and i just want to make it all stop for a second / and maybe i am not human / and maybe i am just playing pretend / and i will slowly walk towards the edge / and there is no moon / and there is no sun / and there is only darkness / and my head / and the scars i’m tired of wearing / and a number i am fucking fed up of bearing / and i just want to be alone for a second / and i just want to forget / forget / forget / but i can’t forget / forget / forget / and i just want the silence to ring through my ears / and for peace to exist / because i’m tired of being at war with this / this constant buzzing anxiety / and it’s not cute / it’s not trendy / it’s stealing my last ounces of control away from me / and i’ll call out / because i want to get out / i want to get out / i want to get out of this cage / this place / and i’m tired of being sick / i am so tired of being sick / and i’ll scream out / because i can’t handle being alone / and i’ll dig my nails into my arms / trying to get it out / trying to twist it out / trying to stop hurting / this loud / but it won’t really help / and there will be no escape / and i will bang at my skull / trying to get out / because i don’t want to be sick / because i am tired of being sick / and i will grab onto you like a lifeboat / and i don’t know / and on days like this / all i want is to run toward the storm / and let go

pretty sure one of the first poems i ever posted here was called “howl”? so consider this a vaguely sentimental comparison poem and please no one find my old writing and read it! also, i know this is really heavy, so… just in case, find a crisis line in your area here.

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