and now i apparently have a debit card

and i guess… i’m getting older. and i guess this wasn’t all a dream. even though it felt like a dream. i guess this means i’m real, and i can’t spend the rest of my life locked up in my room pretending i don’t exist. because to be honest, up until this moment, i guess it all just felt kind of like sleepwalking and rough drafts and flicking through the pages of history, still wondering if this is what my life could be. wondering if anyone will ever actually notice me. and maybe this means that i’m at the edge of being free. or maybe this means everything is at the edge slowly collapsing all around me. or maybe this means i’m nothing compared to the mouth of a system that will only ever want to swallow me. because did you really think you were different? did you really think you could escape this? because now i have a debit card, and my own set of keys. and a dream. and i’m just scared of this, is all. scared of the ocean, and the mountains, and the trees. scared what i wanted wasn’t actually what i wanted. scared that i can’t do this. scared that i can’t take this. scared that i can’t afford this. because it’s complicated. because it’s always been complicated, but… this is different. i mean… it feels different. and honestly, today, i just wasn’t prepared to handle this.

yes, that was a harry potter reference. 😉

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