and i will pour plaster over my scars

trigger warning: self-harm

there’s a knife-shaped wound on my ankle that i gave myself today. and i will try my hardest when the darkness rises, not to tear myself apart. or at least… i’ll try not to hold a pair of scissors that way again. even though i probably will hold a pair of scissors that way again. i’ll try not to be so horrible to myself all the time. i’ll try not hate myself enough to tear the clouds off the sky. and it probably won’t work for a really long time, but i’m going to try. there’s a knife-shaped wound on my ankle, like the rung of a ladder, and i’m trying not to follow it down this path forever. i swear. it’s just… hard. because there’s a knife-shaped wound on my ankle, and i hate that it’s fading, because as long as it’s there i actually feel like a functional person, which is so fucked up, in ways i can’t even begin to explain. and honestly, all i know right now is how to hate myself for giving in. because it’s a toxic cycle, and once you really start listening to the monsters, you just sort of start to give in… and there’s a knife-shaped wound on my ankle, that still hasn’t faded, and honestly some days it takes everything i have in me not to flat-out just reopen it. but i haven’t done that. maybe i will, someday. but i didn’t do it today. and that has to count as progress.

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