august 19th, 2019

go ahead. close my eyes. close my eyes, and lock me in the dark, and eliminate all variables. just make everything perfect, all right? make it all exactly like you wanted. make it so my eyes have this way of blending perfectly into the night. bend my emotions, and make me successful, all right? make me run a hundred. thousand. miles. and make me never get tired of this. and make me never want to cry because of this. make me perfect this time. and take advantage of my fleeting emotions, because i am not sure what i am, but i know i’m not all right. and i know it’s really fucking dark outside. and i’m tired of this, all right? i’m tired of being the one who’s always up past their limits but goddamnit, i have to write. and i’ll look back, straight through time, and i’ll feel my stomach clench up. and i’ll drown myself in sugar, and salt, and spice. and i’ll hate myself. which was exactly what i was trying to avoid. so go ahead. turn everything off for a second. leave me in the dark, and don’t tell me how to turn on the light. because the truth is… i don’t know how else to be all right.

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