august 26th, 2019

trigger warning: self-harm. if you need to talk to anyone, no matter what you’re going through, find a crisis line in your area here. hang in there. i’m sending all my hugs your way. keep fighting. we’re in this together, okay?

and honestly right now i can barely hear you / but that’s all right because honestly i can’t process anything right now without my brain jamming / so maybe the music / will drown out everything / and maybe poetry and too many cookies can fix my shitty feelings / enough to bend the pain into something hard enough to sharpen blades / like weapons / to use against you / and weapons / to gently cut at my skin, waiting desperately for the monsoon to soften / but honestly just hand me the key / and i’ll lock myself in the dark for a night  / or two / or three / and i can’t hear you and i don’t fucking want to / and i know this isn’t healthy / but i don’t even want to move right now / don’t want to move for you / because in my head it’s always / about you and / it’s always about me and / the sky starts to bend and / i’m on my knees and / i can’t breathe and / i can’t breathe / and what’s the point of trying if i’ll only tear every accomplishment down / down / down to nothing / and i look into your eyes and pretend to be all right and i am / down / down / down / and i am the dissociation plate smash / as the glass breaks around me and i don’t / feel / anything / as the glass starts to collide all around me and the knife breaks the skin and no one even fucking notices and i / don’t feel shit / as my lungs sort of explode a little / but right now / honestly, i couldn’t care less / or the monster in my head couldn’t care less / or i don’t know what life is / or i don’t know what mine is / or i don’t know who i am / and i don’t know / if i’m in control of this

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