july 7th, 2019

july 7th, 2019.jpg

trigger warning: possible suicide mention

i am / a melting waterfall i am / global warming i am / probably catastrophizing but it feels like the end of the world to me and i am / crumbling castles i am melting waterfalls and the second you stand at the edge and realize you’re about to fall i am / flowers in the fall i am / the fall right now / i am the fall in your arms trying to spread sunlight across my skin as time starts to feel just a little bit irrelevant / i am a black hole and i’m not sure which one of us is gonna be the first one to drown but i know it’s gonna happen somehow i am whispering a hundred thousand love letters between the punches and it’s all for you / i am jumping off cliffs because somehow that makes it easier i am / sleepless and it feels kind of like headaches and screen light and empty compliments and numbness and my stomach slowly hollowing itself out / i am the skeletons of turtleshells / i am the arranged shards of broken cassette tapes and lightbulbs i am so many lightbulbs i am the feeling of holding onto your hand and feeling like there’s someone in the world who wants to guard the small flame of my heartbeat with their life for a second / i am an iceberg and i am melting and i’m sorry for making the whole world drown inside my mind i just wanted to feel alive / and i’m sorry i’m making the whole world overflow / i am drifting through the past too quickly shards of memories still tangled up in the strands of my hair filaments trying to blaze their way through my skull again because / the weight of my decisions feels like it’s crushing me because / some days everything makes sense but some days i’m just the shards of calamities and 1a.m. writing sessions pressing against each other like maybe if we just tried hard enough / we could track down all the broken parts of ourselves and stitch them together / somehow / somehow / somehow / i am sleepless i am / collapsing brick buildings i am / dangling my feet off the ledge of some apartment building in the middle of nowhere / with tears in my eyes because i’m scared of letting go and i’m scared of losing you and i’m scared of losing myself and i’m scared the sky is broken

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