reasons to stay alive (2)

reasons to stay alive 2

  1. the stars glimmering in the sky. the way apartment buildings look right before the sun dies.
  2. when you’re driving home and your brain is a still, flat expanse around you, and your skin does not crawl as it sits on you, and it’s only a moment but in that moment everything is all right. and your mind only exists outside of you.
  3. i have a voice. i am in control of what it says. and i can use it to impact other people.
  4. words that i can spark from my fingertips lighting cities from oblivion. and maybe that’s the closest i’ll ever get to magic, but i’ll take it. i’ll take it.
  5. a collection of squiggly lines forming letters shaking continents and even if it’s only for a second i think i understand a little piece of what it’s like inside your mind and so maybe you can understand what it’s like inside mine.
  6. you make me laugh so hard my stomach hurts but it’s nothing compared to the weight in my chest you’ve lifted. and even if it’s only a moment, in that moment, i can breathe without my lungs feeling like a capsizing city. and that’s something, right? maybe?
  7. i am falling but i think maybe i’m getting closer to being able to trust you to hold the entire weight of me and maybe you can’t lift me out of this void but you can climb down and hold my hand and bring every ounce of your light. and i know you’ll have to go sometime soon for a while, but it’s not your battle. and it’s all right.
  8. the colours flashing black and white and the confusion crawling in through your tired eyes, and your heart is pounding, and you’re sure it’s gonna fall apart. and sometimes it does. but sometimes it doesn’t. and that’s something, right?
  9. your arms wrapped around me and your arms wrapped around me your heart pounding against me and everything for a second is all right because you know me and you’re still here. and i think you care whether or not i’m all right.
  10.  because i want you to be okay so bad it burns in my chest sometimes and even though i know i can’t i wish i could yank your brain out of your skull and make it stop hurting you. and make them stop hurting you. because you don’t deserve all of the shit that’s happened to you. and maybe someday, i’ll figure out how to apply the same logic to myself, too.

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