this is a poem

for poetry club

this is a poem for angsty poetry. this is a poem for every afternoon spent trying to drown my brain out because i don’t have the energy for my mental illness today. this is a poem for every single fist i’ve slammed against myself because i still don’t understand and the rage is curled up in my chest and something about it just feels like a monster about to pounce to me. this is a poem for pounding butterfly heartbeats and standing at the edge thinking that maybe today is the day i fall. this is a poem for not falling. this is a poem for every time you’ve made me laugh. this is a poem every time we’ve said weird things to each other, only you got it. this a poem for dance parties in an empty math classroom and you tell me all about your stories over angsty music because it’s okay that we have issues. this is a poem for writing until my mind is shaking and for the first time in ages my lungs are empty. this is a poem for being six years old and alone in the world. this is a poem for the time i called you and i was panicking and  in that moment you were the only thing that could look my anxiety straight in the eye and tell it it was lying. this a poem for being scared shitless and still somehow managing to hold a sheet of paper and step up in front of a bunch of human beings and goddamn do this. this is a poem for binge-watching harry potter only it’s not a compulsion and you casually lean into my shoulder and i want to cry because it’s kind of the best feeling in the world to just to be trusted to hold the entire weight of someone else for a while. this is a poem for forests and feathered dragon noises. this is a poem despite all the unbearable days and the times i thought i couldn’t take it and the times the voice in my head told me told me anything i was worth was pointless and this is a poem despite the broken bones no one noticed, despite all the things they called us, despite numbness and confusion, despite the loneliness and the future like a black hole ahead of us, we survived. this is a poem for the fact that we. are. alive.

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