ok. you win. you melted me down into a ball of hope for the things i may never have and the dreams i can’t stop dreaming and the hope. the hope that keeps unfolding through my mind like one of those. foldable fortune tellers we used to make in elementary school when the future was small enough we could fit it on a single piece of paper tossing away moments, mostly so we could laugh as they hit the water. ok. you win. because you have melted me down into tears that come on quiet and silently. tears, it takes me a moment to find the reason for i just didn’t realize how empty i was for the kind of love that’s enough until i met the absence of it. so you win. against all my doubts, you win. so that means you get to wear the quiet medal that you made me miss something i’ve never really touched only stared at from a distance watching the horizon grow further and further away from me. ok. you win. that means you get to say that for a second, even if it was only a second, your flaws didn’t matter; the lip gloss and the cliches twisted into pretty new outfits the too-neat endings didn’t matter because i can feel a small, small, remnant of something deeper. something like inside jokes and buried treasure. like not laughing to hide the angry and everything being okay again. like all the bruises of today and the scratches of tomorrow and the screaming matches of yesterday are gone, not even in a romantic way, and for a second i can breathe. like for a second there’s enough of me left to forgive you. enough of me left to hold this small part of the world together. and i still am not the kind of person who knows the encouraging thing to say, but if i just say hello, will you say, hey?
yay! a spoken word recording! if you have any requests for more audio recordings for poems that have already appeared on this blog, please drop me a comment with your request, and i’ll consider it. (note: CONSIDER does not mean i will do your bidding on demand. i will CONSIDER it. after all, i still have a ferocious poet mystique to deal with.)
big hug and deep breath,