hello internet strangers! so, i decided i would post the text of some poems that i have already posted the spoken word recordings for. if you want to listen to the spoken word recording for this poem, click here.

hello / like you’re testing out the words / like they’re the rungs in a ladder to a place you’ve never been before / we’re alone in the car / hello hello hello / there used to be a man in your ward / who was partially blind / & partially deaf / he would say that / over & over / again / hello hello hello / betty are you there? betty i’m hungry! BETTY! / hello hello hello / what about monopoly / remember, granny? / there was a man in your ward / who used to bang his plastic / juice cup against the table / hands / shaking like houses in an earthquake / he would count buttons / hands / shaking / he had a voice so booming like his shouts were only made to destroy / the nurses played  him classical music / violins / shaking / when we see you / you say to me / oh / i forgot about you / i’m here now, granny / i try to say something funny / spin gold from straw / make light of it / like rumplestiltskin / there’s a woman who just died / whose hands / shook when they held mine who used to ask me / how i was doing / remember granny? / when she answered back / she said / i’m lonely / & i know that feeling / so fucking well / like /  alone in a house / hello / staring into your eyes not brave enough to say / hello / i look away / when strangers extend their hands / it feels like they’re somehow / assaulting my independence / when strangers look away / i want to cry / the issue with these thoughts is / sometimes i think there isn’t a middle ground / for us to talk about / it / let’s talk about it / can we talk about it / can we clear the sky / you’re not my therapist / i refuse to dump on you / i refuse to let you know when it might bury you like i have been buried / i refuse to ruin this perfect image of a girl / you had in mind / i refuse to let you treat me / carefully like i’m a vase about to explode hands / shaking / my world / is expanding / my world is dying / you won’t understand anymore / your world / is dying your brain / is dying the branches / kind of melting / you forget that i’m your granddaughter all the time now / hands / shaking / feelings / like a tangled pile of laundry / i can’t sort through / i don’t even know how that makes me feel / how do you love someone / when you never got to know them / how do you love someone / when they’re vanishing right in front of you / how do you love someone when / they never came out / how do you love a mirage / hello hello hello / you don’t intend to kill your houseplants / you don’t realize what you’re doing when clip off flowerbuds with your fingernails / you don’t realize it’s not a good idea to drop your dead flowers in the toilet / hello / sobbing into her shoulder / hello is anyone out there / hello / my world / feels like it’s collapsing / like i’m a morning glory / only look pretty at certain times / of the day / trust me / if you knew me when i’m crying / in that way like my throat running through a paper shredder like my whole body running / through a paper shredder / i don’t feel like you’d think these things of me / hello / you’re starting to forget language / hello / you look out the window / hello / hello / you close the door like it’s a barricade / like you’re defending against something / doesn’t that get lonely? / hello / we read aloud the winnie-the-pooh stories to you & we try to play a clapping game / you call yourself a bear of very little brain / hello / you used a walker for the first time today / hello / every time / we see you / something / has died

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